Resource Day

Wanted to do some sharing today of some really helpful resources I use or that I have come across. Today's resources are all available online.

The biggest one I want to share is http://www.bpkids.org/ for CABF- Child & Adolescent Bipolar Foundation. They are a wonderful website full of resources, educational materials, support groups, chat rooms and a family response team. I am a chat room moderator and a member of the FRT. They are also involved in the Pepsi Refresh Project currently in the running for a $250 grant. There are over 5 million U.S. youth who live with depression or bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, a very small percentage receive treatment. CABF will use the grant from Pepsi to raise public awareness and help more youth who suffer from depression or bipolar disorder. Please visit the site and remember to vote. We have 2 weeks left and are already up to 5th place. There are 3 ways to vote every day.

Another great site for behavior charts which is very effective and helpful for these kids is http://handipoints.com/printable-chart/. You can print off charts for the kids to earn stickers or behavior points, etc. They also have charts for Chore's, Studying, Fitness, Hygiene,Health to help motivate them.

Here is a website with a Crisis Contract that you can complete online or print out and complete http://mindyourmind.ca/toolbox/self-management/coping-kit.
This is good for the child to have something in writing so they know consequences for behaviors and also coping skills to avoid them.

This is a local (Indiana) resource but it could be useful if you want to check it out. http://www.aboutspecialkids.org/Default.aspx. They are a good place for resources and they offer training courses.

WrightsLaw is a wonderful resource and from the website you can narrow it to your state. http://www.yellowpagesforkids.com/help/ptis.htm On this site you will be able to find Directory of Parent Training and Information Centers (PTI) and Community Parent Resource Centers (CPRC). This is a good resource for education and advocacy.
Another one affiliated with WrightsLaw and advocacy is http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/advo.index.htm. This one lays out all of the things a parent needs to know about being an advocate for their child.

Another one for steps to become a parent advocate for your child is http://specialed.about.com/od/iep/a/advocat.htm.



The Complete IEP Guide: How to Advocate for Your Special Ed Child can be found at http://www.thefreelibrary.com/The+Complete+IEP+Guide%3a+How+to+Advocate+for+Your+Special+Ed+Child.-a059644182



I don't know how many Facebookers we have out there.. but on Facebook some of my favorite pages for bipolar kids are: CABF,Empowering Parents, Parents of Bipolar Children and Comorbid diseases, life with a bipolar child, Bipolar Awareness- Stop the Stigma, NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). Also I did find one for the kids to join as well.. Children dealing with Bipolar with the family unit. This page was created to help guide and support children dealing with bipolar within the family to give the kids somewhere to rant and rave about dealing with Bipolar.


But since the kid is home sick today and now asking for Mommy, it's time to sign off.. Hopefully, this list will get you started and I will add more later from books or other resources. If there is anything you would like more info or anything you need further research one just let me know!

Good Luck & stay tuned.
I had hoped the links would appear so that you could click on them but for some reason they didn't. So if you have trouble accessing them let me know and I will get the information to you another way.

Graduation Day & Bx Detox

Well we did it!!! OK so HE did it!! After 5 days in patient and 4 weeks with partial inpatient to intensive outpatient therapy and he graduated today.. I am soo proud of him!!! Yes I cried during his little ceremony. He picked out a prize and everyone went around the circle, held the prize and said something nice/positive about Jake. He is so happy too, it's so nice to actually hear him tell me that and I can see it in his face. I am hoping he will be able to maintain and keep up on all the things he's learned without the help of group therapy 3 days a week. Being around people who understand him, who know what he's been through. I know that this whole thing is far from over and this is just a "band-aide" but I reallt hope this one sticks for swhile. This is our seond trip to the hospital in 3 years and we are only a few years away from those "teen" years. We are not afraid of the hospital anymore and know it's there for us whenever we need it. We are meeting with 2 differnt therapists over the next few weeks to see which one is a better fit for him now that he is going to move on to 1 on 1 therapy. I am hopeful we can find a support group for him since he did sooooo well in the group dynamic. He's never been a big fan of the 1 on 1. Even if this one meets once a month or so and is for the whole family, that would work too.
As I was driving to pick him up from his last group session today from St Vincent Stress Center another one of my brilliant save the world ideas popped into my head. Too bad that this is not treated a little more like they treat alcoholism. You go thru the program and everything, go thru detox-- which he did.. a major behvior detox!! So my thinking to this was.. he needs a sponsor. Someone he can call when he's having a bad day, or feels like he wants to break something.. Not only that but he should get a chip for every "behavior free" day..(He would have his 30 day chip currently!!!) He made some good friends in the program and built a trust and a relationship with them.. and won't ever get to see them again. He barely has any friends as it is.. and especially none who really "get" him.. I know it's the hospital policy but it still kinda stinks..
So now begins the real test for him. I have faith in him and know he's going to try really hard and I will continue to do everything I can to help him, get myself educated more so I can arm him with everything possible. I am looking into advocacy classes, and I have put in an application to volunteer with CABF and I am waiting on a call to see if I can be on their Family Response Team. I have been pretty active on one of the CABF support groups recently and it's a great bunch of people. OH and I did find a facebook page for bipolar kids so I am hoping he will get involved in that too!

One week til Graduation & The Pepsi Refresh Project

October is over and behind us. November is in full swing. We are one week away from graduating from the program at St Vincent's which we have been in since 9/30/10. To date, we have still not had any major blow ups, destroyed property or massive arguments. So Yippeee there!!! He will start one on one therapy about 2 weeks after he graduates so we will see how that goes. I really liked the group dynamic and I think he did to. He was always quick to participate and always wanted to offer up an answer or a suggestion. Plus we really got a lot out of the family therapy sessions as well. I am trying to find a group for him to be a part of after he graduates, even if they only meet once or twice a month. If I can't find one, maybe I'll figure out how to start one.. Which leads me to today's topics... Advocating and Educating. As parents of Bipolar/Mood Disorder kids, we struggle a lot with these issues between school, doctors, friends, family and just about any where else.
It has recently become clear to me on so many levels that both education and advocacy for this is very poor. Schools are not as well equipped as we like them to be, medical facilities for some reason are not all on the same page when it comes to it, and general public is pretty much just clueless.
If a child requires a long term care or a permanent residential type treatment, many families have to ship kids out of state, giving up pretty much any time of seeing their children unless they can afford weekend trips and a secondary place to stay while visiting. Which most of us cannot. Money is a huge factor as well, we can;t afford the insane costs of the doctor visits, which most of them need at least 2-4 times a month and lets not even forget the costs of the meds. Most kids are on a cocktail which can consist of 2-3 meds at a time, each one costing a few hundred dollars. Most insurance plans are not great with mental health. There are not many providers in this area and some parents will drive 2-3 hours to a doctor. This can take a toll on several things. Parent's jobs, relationships with a spouse or other children, and even friendships.
It is still a dream of mine to figure out a way to bring as much of this as close to home as I can. These kids need an environment they are comfortable in with teachers,care givers who are educated. We need to not have to drive several hours or ship our kids out of state. We need to not have to file bankruptcy in order to make sure our kids have meds and that the medical bills are not going to collections. This may not be a life threatening illness or disease but it is still very important. We have places like the Ronald McDonald House and Riley Hospital for those terminal patients, they offer parents places to stay while their kids are in treatment. Bipolar may not be terminal but it's pretty permanent or at least long term. This is something these kids will have to go through for most of or the rest of their lives. This isn't like a surgery where we take them in, have the procedure done and 4-6 weeks later, we are all better and going on with our lives. There is also very little published research on Pediatric and Adolescent Bipolar Disorder and what is out there is not very concrete. There are doctors out there who feel that you can diagnose this as early as 3 years old while others feel that it absolutely cannot be diagnosed until at least age 13. It's not as cut and dry as Cancer or other terminal or life threatening illnesses. With an illness, pretty much any doctor can look at you, run some tests, say yep you do or no you don't have it, then offer pretty concrete treatment options that will be the same where ever you decide to go for treatment. Yes OK, there are places out there with more extensive options or those places that deal with the clinical trials. I am not saying that Bipolar and Cancer should be looked at the same way or that having one is better or worse than having the other..So don't go getting all up in an uproar. My point is, if you have a broken bone, it gets fixed, if you rupture your appendix, they take it out, if you are diagnosed with Cancer, they put you on a treatment course. If that course doesn't work, they move on to another one. If you feel ill or are showing signs or symptons, they run tests, take Xrays, blood tests, etc. With Bipolar, mood disorders, the testing is primarily a bubble sheet questionairre where you answer questionos based on behaviors, environments, etc. These tests have no concrete intrepretation and depending on the day you fill it out, the outcome of the results could also vary. There is no X ray or blood test that will confirm a person has Bipolar disorder. Meds are also the primary treatment for this and with children, there are very little FDA approved prescription drugs that are approved for children and also meds affect kids differntly so a drug that works wonders on one kid may not work at all on another kid. There is a lot of arguments out there for "natural" or herbal treatments, or holistic approaches. There is not much research out there on this from a reiable source but more and more parents are looking into these to get away from the meds. The meds may work on the behaviors/moods but we end up messing with kidneys, thyroids, massive weight gain or loss or other long term health issues. So it's a vicious cycle and a lot of parents are at a loss on how to properly treat their children for something they may have to live with for the rest of their life.

OK so, as a part of being involved in a couple different parent or support groups, I have learned recently that CABF is competing for $250,000 in grant funding in the Pepsi Refresh Contest. Their main goal right now is to work with the blogger community to help secure funding for bipolar kids through the Pepsi Refresh Contest. So basically each time a blog like mine gets read and voted on, it helps CABF get closer to their goal of winning this grant. Having a grant like that could really help these kids out as well as helping the organization get the word out about advocating and education. I want Jake to be able to feel good about himself and know that what he has is something he can control, not something that can control him. I also want him armed with as much knowledge as he can have. He's only 11 now but soon will be a teenager, then a young adult where I won't always be there to advocate for him. He won't always be in a setting or situation where he will have an aide or where his day is goverened by an IEP.





Here is the actual release from CABF about their entry.

HELP CABF WIN $250,000 From Pepsi

CABF is in the running for a $250,000 grant from the Pepsi Refresh Project this month.

Winning this grant would transform CABF's ability to provide vital information and support services to children and families living with bipolar disorder and depression.

We can't win without you-- and you can help with just one minute every day. Winners are decided by total votes cast by Internet and text message votes throughout the month of November.

Sign up for a daily email voting reminder at http://www.bpkids.org/pepsi
and if CABF wins, a chance to win 1 of 3 iPads.

Vote today, ALL THREE WAYS, and every day in November:

Vote Online: Go to http://www.refresheverything.com/CABFhelpsmorekids. This will take you to the CABF Pepsi voting page. Click "Vote for this Idea". Register once and then you are all set.

Vote on Facebook: http://tiny.cc/cabfhelpsmorekids. The first time you vote via Facebook, you'll be asked for permission to access your information. Click "Allow". This will take you to the Pepsi Refresh Vote & Share application. You will see CABF's project below the search bar. Click "Vote for this Idea". (Be sure to click "share this idea" to encourage your friends to vote for us on Facebook. Do this every time you vote!) If you do not see our project, "type CABF" into the search bar.

Text your Vote: Text 104174 to PEPSI (73774) (Normal text rates apply).

What else can you do to get more votes for CABF?
•Bookmark our voting pages: http://www.refresheverything.com/CABFhelpsmorekids &http://tiny.cc/cabfhelpsmorekids. We need you to vote every day in the month of November. Anyone age 13 or older can vote. (Feel free to vote for other projects as well -- just not for any other projects which are also requesting a $250,000 grant).
•Tell your friends on Facebook by clicking this image: on the right hand column of the CABF voting page.
•FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS, along with YOUR PERSONAL MESSAGE asking them to vote for CABF every day. Remember to ask your kids and their friends to vote.
•Print out flyer's and cards which you can give to friends. Hand them out at meetings, sporting events, etc.

Don't think you'll remember every day? No problem! Sign up for daily email reminders for a chance to WIN AN IPAD! If CABF wins the challenge, everyone who registered for a daily email reminder will have a chance to win one of three iPads.
Winning a $250,000 Pepsi Refresh grant would truly transform CABF's ability to provide support, information and hope to thousands more families.


WE NEED YOUR VOTES. REMEMBER - VOTING IS AS EASY AS 1- 2 - 3.

VOTE EVERY DAY, EVERY WAY


So take a minute to go check this out. Help me aide CABF in their quest to win this grant. I am also going to start working on some thing more local based in my community and do whatever I am able to do to get advocacy for my child and education for the public where he is supposed to grow and strive.

(Almost) One month later

Looking back at posts over the last 2 months, I see a big difference in my writing. About a month ago, both Jake and I were so close to our breaking points and with no help in sight, started looking for new options for the both of us. 9/30/10 was a huge turning point for us. As it started out with a simple appointment but turned into something so much more serious. Admitting him to St V's Inpatient unit was tough on both of us but it was for the best and we both know that and agree. 5 days in in patient then lead us to about 2 weeks of partial inpatient therapy where he went everyday. Now he is only about 2-3 weeks away from graduating from the program (he currently is in Intensive outpatient, going 3 days a week). I went to see him everyday while he was inpatient, had therapy 3 times a week with him in partial and go once a week with him now in intensive outpatient.

Here is the report almost one month later-
things broken in the house- NONE!
aggressive/physical outburst- NONE!
issues at school- One!

We talk a lot about his time in therapy and he told my mom the other day he was HAPPY! We have not heard that from him in a long time. He has been helpful around the house and doing things without being asked. He cleared the dinner table last Thursday night when we had dinner at my mom's house. He helped me clean out the Garage on Saturday and the kitchen, living room and toy room yesterday. Then he asked me if there was anymore we could do!!! :)
He is doing well with his behavior chart, he loves earning his points and is no longer taking his privileges for granted. He went outside yesterday to play with the neighbor boy for about 30 minutes and there was no issues. He was told a certain time to be home and came home 4 minutes early (this has been a problem for us in the past, coming home later than the time he was given). It had been almost 2 months since he had played with the neighbor kid.
We are still having issues with his sleeping arrangements and getting on the bus in the morning but hey, one step at a time and I know not to put too much pressure on him right now.. All in good time, I guess. He's been writing in a journal and a lot more open to talking about things lately as well. I am so proud of him, he is doing so well. We are still looking at this on a day to day basis and there are days where he still does get a little agitated but it has not escalated. He says a few choice words and them pretty much moves on. He also still is stuck on the I only see things MY way but we talk through things, he tells me I'm pissing him off or nagging him, then we move on.. His teachers have all seen the improvements as well, he is working on his school work in school now and coming home with little or NO homework for the past couple weeks now.
After we graduate from St V's, I hope he is able to keep all of this with him when we move on to one on one therapy outside of the Stress Center. Watching him in family therapy always makes me laugh or smile. He is always the first to raise his hand to speak or volunteer me to.. He used to never want to talk in therapy before or to the doctors and would just shut down or give major attitude. I hope he will be able to keep this with him as well. I know we are not fixed and they we may never be but having Jake back has been wonderful. He is an amazing kid who has so much potential and I have such high hopes for his future. If he is able to keep this up and remain this way, I have no doubt, he will succeed and go far. However, if he doesn't, then we also both know that another hospital visit or more time in St V's can help us again if we loose our way or forget how to use and manage our coping skills as we grow up and encounter different experiences and scenarios.

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Progress Proress Progress

As I sit here and plan out today's blog, I do it with a smile on my face and the feeling of how easy it is to breathe these days. As most of you know, on 9/30 Jake was admitted into the Stress Center's Inpatient Youth Unit for 5 days. I blogged about his time there in my last blog and now it's time to update you about his time in Partial Inpatient Therapy (PIT). He started that on 10/1 and gets to graduate to Intensive Out Patient (IOP) TOMORROW :).
During his time at PIT, he has learned more about how to use coping skills and when to apply them. He is in this program with a few other boys and it intermingles with the IOP kids as well. PIT was every day from 1-5. So he went to school half day then spent the rest of his day in PIT. PIT also involved 3 days of Family therapy sessions a week. The family therapy sessions have gone really well. Jake was always the first one to speak up when asked "Who wants to go first?" Jake NEVER used to talk about his problems especially with strangers and most of the time even me! He always answered their questions with good answers. He has been great at home as well. He's been pleasant, helpful and respectful. He has even offered a few times to do things that he was not asked to do. Things like this used to get a big refusal or a "No way in Hell" out of him. and asking him to help out around the house was like asking him to comb the desert with a comb based on the way he would react to the request. ( Yes I now know that my problem was that I was asking!!!) However.... We created a behavior plan and a contract and it's posted in the kitchen and he earns points by doing things each day to earn privileges now (things which before he thought were just OWED to him!) He doesn't fight me when he doesn't have enough points for something or only has to choose 1 thing instead of 3 at a time.
The past 2 mornings he got up early, got himself up and dressed and ready. He did all his chores WITHOUT being asked and today chose toys over TV time and didn't get upset when I turned on the news and he wasn't able to have toys and TV at the same time.
ALSO for the past 3 days he has only had homework on one of them. He is doing his work IN SCHOOL!!! His teacher commented today how pleasant it was to have him like this in class. I am so proud of his progress and I know he's working really hard. By no means do I feel like this is over or that he is "fixed." But for now, we will take what we can get and hope it lasts longer this time. He was hospitalized once before through a different hospital but they didn't do any thing as extensive as this program with the stepping down through the programs. I really like that he was given this gradual decrease but still had the access to the staff and meetings and groups. He is so happy with himself to and that in itself makes me a very happy mom! I can't tell him enough how proud I am of him but I sure keep trying to!!
We have met some pretty amazing people while we have been involved in these programs and hearing the stories and struggles from other parents in different stages of their child's "issues" has been heartwarming, sad, aggravating and promising all at the same time. There is a wide variety of kids by age, anger/behavior issues, diagnoses and the length of time the symptoms have been present. There are people who divorced because of their child's issues, and a few people who are on the brink of that. We all share stories and advice and talk to each other and offer support and encouragement and both Jake and I leave there feeling good every time. There are people out there with answers. People who live this every day, people who struggle with the same things I do. I felt so alone for so many years in all of this. I don't feel that way anymore. I also think that Jake doesn't either and again that makes me very proud of him.
We are getting close to the teen years so I hope he's able to keep with him what he has learned during this time and that the teenage hormones don't kick him into overdrive and set him backwards in his fight to control this. There are some really sad stories about kids out there, it breaks my heart each time I see one but in the back if my mind I always have to quietly say to myself, "Please God, don't let that be my child someday." In my mind I like to think that my kid will beat the odds and be one of those people who suffer from Bipolar/mood disorders and go on to become someone famous or discover the cure for something or a new theory to help us determine xxxx... It's amazing to read about actors, artists, entrepreneurs, musicians, politicians, scientists, and sports figures have all overcame this and moved on to do great things. I can want that for my child too. Right??

The Road Ahead

Sorry I didn't update over the weekend. So here's the quick catch up. Jake was admitted on Thursday to St Vincent Stress Center. I was able to visit him every day. On Sunday night we had a parent group meeting with all the parents who had kids on the unit. Our visits were really nice and pleasant. We talked a lot and played Uno and Connect 4. He really connected with a few of the kids and I was happy to see that they would include him in their activities. Monday- we had the family meeting with his dad and he was able to come home that evening. :)
Last night at home was nice, we played Uno (with a new deck I bought him). Today was his first day back at school but he only goes half day for the rest of the week. From 1-5 he is back at the Stress Center for Partial In-Patient therapy. He did well at school today and said he enjoyed group tonight. I couldn't go to parent meeting tonight so his Nana went with him but I will go to the next 2 this week. I know we have a long road ahead of us. If he does well in Partial this week, he can go into the Intensive Outpatient program next week. Which will be 3 days a week for 3 hours a day. He will work on his coping skills and anger issues and behavior. We have to put together a couple of "plans" and contracts for us both to work on and follow at home and school. I have to write in a journal 2x a day in the am and pm to report his day for him to take to the therapist during Partial. He is also writing in a journal. Even if it's only one sentence, it's still writing.
I am starting to put myself back out into the social public but still being very low key on where Jake was and who I'm talking too. I am proud of him and what he has had to go through lately. He has handled it very well and is doing pretty well so far. I know he's not fixed and this is not over but hopefully this time with the extra time in Partial and Intensive Out Patient, the continued help he will be getting will be really beneficial for him. We both need to make some changes and be able to help each other.
I know that I need to stay strong and in control and calm and that I need to rely on my friends but most of them just really don't understand. I know they are there for me and supportive and that's important. But I just can't talk about some of this stuff with many people. I do have a few people who I can talk to about it, who don't judge, offer opinions or suggestions. I am grateful for that. I am working on it but it's going to take me awhile. I am happy that I have this blog and my outlets for the Bipolar parents.

The right thing?

Sorry I've been away for awhile but this past week has been pretty rough on both Jake and I. It pretty much started last Thursday when there was a pretty massive blow up at home, all started over homework of course. He got upset and I was so close to my breaking point that I finally snapped myself and said some horrible things to him and pushed him too far over the edge. He snapped too. Things got damaged, doors got broken. It was ugly. Things calmed down and we worked though it. He felt bad and so did I but it was obvious that things were getting strained between us.
I can't remember where I left off with the Brain Balance story but we went ahead with the assessment and I met with the Dr on Monday about the results. After almost 1.5 hours I walked out of there knowing pretty much everything I already did before I even walked in there. However, I guess I can at least say that I did get some answers as to why things are the way they are.. Now they want the $6000 and 12 weeks to fix him because they say they can. Sorry but no thank you.. We don't have 12 weeks.
Tuesday I kept him from school because he didn't sleep very well Monday night.. He stayed with mom and never did go back to sleep. Wednesday was a bad day at school. Ooops! Guess I sent him on the wrong day!!! No suspensions though.
I finally decided on a new Dr earlier in the week and made his first appointment for next Tuesday. Was all excited about it. Then on Tuesday after making the decision to keep him home form school I decided to call St Vincent Stress Center ( at the recommendation of my Mother) and set up an appointment for an assessment for their programs since we have had NO LUCK with Comm Hospitals.
He got a good night sleep last night, 12 hours of sleep actually. We had some time to spend together this morning before the assessment and for the most part it was a good morning with a few MINOR little attitude issues. We get to the appointment (late of course) and I start the paperwork. He was still doing ok but definitely a little restless. Finally it was time to start the assessment. He went first and was with the Dr for about 45 minutes. He came out smiling and happy and said Mommy, it's your turn. SO I went back for my turn with the Dr. He was out in the hallway waiting on me. He was assessed and paperwork was signed for him to start IOP Intensive Outpatient Therapy on Monday- 3 days a week for 3 hours a day for 4-6 weeks. I was on the way out to get him and sing the file paperwork and we couldn't find Jake.
Something had upset him and as I somehow managed to look out the window we saw him. Being carried in my at least 6 Orderlies. He was at this point, kicking, screaming, fighting and cussing and within 5 minutes he had gone from starting IOP on Monday to being admitted to INPATIENT. I didn't get to see him after that but I heard him fighting and screaming. So after more paperwork..I finally left St.V's alone. My heart was hurting and my eyes were swollen and I just felt numb. I was able to go back at 6:15 for visiting hours and to bring him clothes. We had a good visit. It was a little rocky at first and because of his attitude, I almost had to leave. He pulled it together and we were able to have a nice, positive, healthy visit. He was scared and wanted me to take him home but he know I couldn't. He's done this once before so he does know the drill. He's really upset though that they wouldn't let him have his favorite stuffed animal that he takes with him everywhere.. We agreed to let the Dr's take care of him and let Kitty stay home and take care of me. :) I know this is the right thing to do and it did have to be done but why does the right thing feel like the worst thing in the world? I know this will help him and hopefully bring my sweet, caring, loving boy home to me. I just have to stay strong for him and let him know this is a good thing and that we both have to be OK with it. So I saved my tears for after the visit but basically cried the whole way home. Tonight I am going to (try) and sleep and then tomorrow I will wake up, not have to get him up and off to school, go to work and pretend to care about being there. I am able to visit him everyday he is there so as I pretend to care about work tomorrow, all I will be doing is counting down the clock until it's time to leave and go visit him.
I don't know what to do or how to feel. My friends have noticed I am not as active on Facebook lately and have started to ask questions. ( those who know me, know I am on their a lot!). Is it wrong of me that I am wanting to avoid seeing all my friends lives progress and move on.. The highlights of their days, the stories about their kids? I love my friends and would never want them to not be able to experience these things.. I just can't see it right now.. I can't get on FB and post statuses about how I feel or about my kid being a patient at 10 years old in a stress center for the second time in his life.. I don't want the pity or the sympathy or the "I don't know how you can do it" comments. I'm sure this makes me a horrible person but that's who I am right now.. I know this is the right thing to do and it's whats best for him. That's whats most important to me!!! I can't pretend that everything is ok and all normal and zippity doo dah right now! I will remain strong for him and I promise that I won't do anything stupid to jeopardize myself or my health. For now, that's all I can promise..
Good Night. Tomorrow is another day!!!

Time to hit the dartboard again

Oh holy frustration Batman!!! Soo much going on lately, it's been hard to keep up. Seems like we may be past the suspensions from school for now and have been in for 4 days with little or no issues. Just had our first issue in after school care today. Went to the Doctor on Saturday to talk about everything that has happened since Labor Day and he was unresponsive and not at all helpful!!! It's time to move on. Now to find a new Doctor. However, in finding a new Doctor, we face the challenge of possibly a new diagnosis. I am fed up and frustrated with this nonsense. You would think since it was medical it's pretty cut and dry. They all go to school, they all study the same information. If your sick the Doctor is supposed to know whats wrong and how to fix it. We have been calling around to a few new places and basically have come to the conclusion that he needs to be re-evaluated, and possibly involved in some sort of out patient or intensive program.
We also agreed to try the assessment piece of the Brain Balance Program and well the first part of the assessment upset him and he walked out with 30 minutes left to complete it. He did better for the second part but started to get frustrated near the end. His meds have put on soo much weight that he pretty much failed the physical part of the assessment. Now I am waiting on the results of that to determine whats next. They are also supposed to work up a dietary piece and a supplement created just for him.
So now I am questioning everything of course.. Is the diagnosis right? Is the medicine really working?? Did we pick the right school? Do I put him in the hospital? HELP ME HELP HIM!!!!
Who has the right answers? If we switch Doctors, how will I know if they are right or wrong? We've been at this since he was 4 years old, been through 6-7 Doctors and countless Diagnosis changes. I can't even count how many times we've switched meds and later found out it was the meds that were really what was making him worse!!! WHAT AM I DOING TO MY CHILD!!!!
He can't sleep at night, can't wake up in the morning. Doesn't want to do his school work and blows up at the slightest things.. I soo wish I could fix this for him and not have to watch him struggle through all of this. I hate that I cannot make this right for him.
If I had my way (and about $1 million dollars) here is what I would like to do. I want to start a foundation/center for Children with Bipolar Disorder ( or behavior disorders or whatever we are going to call what he has... WHO KNOWS)... and for it to include grants, scholarships, for parents to apply for so they don't have to worry about the cost of medical care, treatments or medications. I'd also like to have a before/after school and even a school center for kids who can't function in regular school and a short term residential care piece where they can be monitored and cared for. I know that bits and pieces of these places exist but for a grander scheme. I want it isolated to certain Diagnosis/Behavior Issues. I also want a library/resource center and parent and child support groups, as well as therapy for the child and the family. All in one place! Is that asking to much? I just need a building, teachers, doctors, volunteers and a staff right?? Sure, as long as I continue to wear my rose colored glasses!
As frustrating as this is for me, I can only imagine how hard this is for my child. I know he's in there somewhere and someday I really hope to find him again!!! I just know that I will never stop looking, no matter what!!

The Good, the Bad & the UGLY.

Sorry for slacking on the blog posts this past week. It's been a little crazy/hectic around here. I had been bragging for weeks how well he was doing and that we hadn't had any issues, outbursts or anything, then the bottom dropped out. Well ok, not quite that dramatic but still. In the life of Bipolar it just seems to fit right? After Labor Day weekend, his first day back to school we started having trouble with him falling asleep in class. It caused an issue when they tried to wake him up to actually participate in class and do his work. Shocking, I know! Well, after the agitation and outburst, we ended up with a teacher with a broken toe and 2 days of In School Suspension. On day 2 of ISS, he slept all morning and when he woke up refused to do work. When they wouldn't let him have lunch until he did some of his work, outburst ensued and Mom was called. In School Suspention just turned into a day and a half of Out of school suspension. We called the doctor to discuss meds and to see about altering the times and dosages. We decided to try and go without the melatonin. It worked until Sunday night. We had a great rest of the day on Thurday, and the weekend he was great. Sunday night, he barely slept at all, and against my better Mommy judgement, I sent him to school. What was I supposed to do? Call him in and tell them he was too tired to come to school? School said I did the right thing by sending him, but called me an hour later and had me come get him AGAIN. This time they had to call the school cop for assistance. It took 45 minutes after I got there for him to calm down enough for me to take him home. He had to go into the quiet room and was trying to hurt himself so we had to restrain him. I don't know about your kids, but restraining mine is the WORST thing you could do to him in his eyes. He FLIPS out and goes all kinds of crazy mental. Screams, cries, cusses, kicks, bites or whatever else he can do and try and get free. It's the worst thing as a mother to see him go through that but I know it's for his own safety as well as anyone around him. Of course, I was trying to keep it together but by this time I was crying too. I just wanted to protect him, and get him home. The school cop was nice enough to follow us home to make sure he remained calm and then even talked to him for a bit once we got home.
Over the past 2 days, I have been working on his school work with him that they sent home for him to do. I discovered 2 things. I could never be an elementary school teacher and I could never home school. He seems to think that he can't do any work unless I am right there at the table keeping him focused and helping him. He definately doesn't need my help with the work, he just doesn't want to do it.
Also, in times like this, I never know exactly what to do or how to handle the situation. Do I punish him for being suspended or is that punishment enough? Do I revoke privledges? How long? This series of outbursts is because of medications, I believe, so as we are adjusting them, is it his fault somewhat? To what extent? I struggle with this soo much and really just can't seem to find the right answers to this one. Do you punish a child because his mental state is so messed up he doesn't always make the right choices? how much of this can he really control? Is it his fault? Does the punishment really fit the crime? Does it work? Is it effective? How can I punish him and not get him so worked up that it causes another outburst? Once he's calmed down, do I punish him for something he did 2 hours ago and was able to calm himself down, on his own? Or do I reward that part? I don't like what you did, but the fact that you controlled it and came out of it, well thats something, right???
I know that HE is the one who really struggles with the Bipolar but I really am convinced that the parents have their own struggle/fight aside from the one the child deals with constantly. Sometimes I feel like I need a medication for being the mother of a Bipolar Child, or therapy for how to deal with a bipolar child/parenting a bipolar child while he gets therapy as well. This illness doens't just effect the person who has it. Sometimes I wonder why God chose me to be Jakes mom but then I realize that he must have had enough faith in me to know that I could handle it. He knew that Jake needed me. I am proud to be his mom and would not trade him or the life we live for anything else in the world.
We are still to the point where we have more good times than bad, which is a total 180 from a few years ago. He is a brilliant child who is loving, caring and super sweet. He is helpful (when he wants to be of course) and still manages to surprise and amaze me with the things he does on occasion without ever being asked.

The Big Red Binder

As previously promised, here is the contents to the Big Red Binder. I usually update the blog while at work (shh don't tell anyone) and don't have the binder with me. But due to some medicine complications my son and I are spending the next 2 days at home.
Apparently on Tuesday, he had some issues with sleeping in class which inadvertently led to him having an outburst, getting upset and hurting a teacher. Result- 2 day in school suspension. Yesterday- day 1 of ISS- he told me he slept off and on most of the day. Today, apparently he slept ALL morning. So none of his work was getting done, ( and of course it ALL got sent home for us to complete). He finally woke up and wanted lunch. They told him, no lunch until you get some work done, which resulted in a meltdown. Shortly after, I get the call to come get him only to find out that it's for the rest of today and tomorrow as well. Work is really gonna love that!!! NOT! But what else can I do?
I am waiting on a call from his doctor to maybe adjust some dosages and we are also going to try and go without the melatonin at night for a few days. If that doesn't work, they I will start him on a lower dosage of that as well.

So on to the Big Red Binder.
Section 1 About Bipolar Disorder
Section 2 Treatment, Therapy & Med's
Section 3 Parenting
Section 4 School

Other than having several pieces I've found on the Internet, (which I will share some of the sights later) Here are the 5 books (so far) that are in the binder broken up by chapters into the sections listed above.
Bipolar Disorder- A guide for Patients & Families by Francis Mark Mondimore MD

What Works for Bipolar Kids - Help and Hope for Parents by Mani Pavuluri, MD, PhD

Parenting a Bipolar Child- What to do and Why by Gianni L Faedda MD & Nancy B Austin Psy.D

New Hope for Children & Teens with Bipolar Disorder by Boris Birmaher, MD

The Ups & Downs of Raising a Bipolar Child - A Survival Guide for Parents by Judith Lederman & Candida Fink MD

I pretty much have the basic stuff in the About Bipolar and the Treatment sections. Chapters that discuss the diagnosis and all of the various treatment options including med's & therapies.
I skipped over a lot of the first parts of each book that all talked about, so you think you might have Bipolar, Now what?? Well, we already know we have it..

Under the Parenting Section, I have chapters like The Role of the Family, The Structure of Daily Life, Relationships, Parenting with Poise: The Secret Ingredient for Success, Keeping the Peace at Home, Building Social Skills for Positive Friendships, Living with a Bipolar Child, Irritability:What to do?, & Managing your child's behavior problems. (Hello Run-on sentence)..

Under the School Section, I included chapters and information on Finding the Best School Setting & Programs for your child, Forming a Partnership with your Child's Teacher, School Decisions & Solving Your Child's Academic Problems.

A lot of the information is the same even from book to book but it's nice to get different perspectives on things when it comes to Childhood Bipolar. One thing we learn early on, there is no ONE prominent cure or treatment and what works for one child, may not work for another. I also like to get the perspectives from both Doctors and Parents on these issues. Sometimes the parents are the better experts on this than the Doctors are.

Some other books in my personal Bipolar Library (not in the Big Red Binder) are:

Your Defiant Child- 8 Steps to better behavior by Russell A Barkley PhD & Christine M Benton

The Everything Parents Guide to Children with Bipolar Disorder by William Stillman

Transforming the Difficult Child- The Nurtured Heath Approach by Howard Glasser & Jennifer Easley

I also have a workbook called Helping Your Angry Child- A workbook for you and your family which includes worksheets, fun puzzles & engaging games to help you communicate better.

Another thing I really like is that there are actually Kids books out there on Childhood Bipolar and anger problems. Books that kids can read to help them better understand what is going on with them. We have a few..

How to take the Grrr out of Anger by Elizabeth Verdick & Marjorie Lisovskis

If Your Angry and you Know it by Cecily Kaiser

Brandon & the Bipolar Bear

Stress Relief for Kids - Taming Your Dragons by Martha Belknap

I also have a handful of other books on Defiance, ADHD, Anger, etc. Have I read them all? No Way!!! I reference them a lot on occasion, then I forget about them for a long time and think oh yeah, I have all these books so I look through a few of them again. I've also recently discovered an abundance of information on the Internet. But that is a blog for another day.. Hope this helps a little bit for those of you out there looking for a little more information and a lot more help!!! Do you need ALL these books? Nope, probably not. As I stated before a lot of them pretty much say the same things, especially the medical ones. But I am starting to branch out a bit here recently and I am starting to do a lot more research on the more NATURAL approaches for treating Bipolar Disorder in Children. I will keep you posted on what I find out and if any of you out there are currently using any alternative forms of med's or treatments, I would love to hear about it. Do you have a favorite book you like to refer to? A favorite website? Please share that as well.

As the blog progresses, I will take sections from the Big Red Binder, focus on certain books and or chapters and I will continue to share my stories of our day to day life. I will also share websites and links as well.

Miracle Cures & Treatments? How far will you go to find one?

OK so I went to an information meeting at a place called Brain Balance today to see if this new program that promises positive results, says no more med's and that it can be reversed was right for Jake and I. We toured the facility and the person giving us the tour was very informative. We even got a free book called Disconnected Kids. The author is the creator of the program. There are only a handful of centers nationwide currently and it's still in experimental stages so insurance is not accepted. The program consists of a 2 part assessment and also includes a blood and urine work up to test levels of certain chemicals that may be lacking or increased due to the disorders and med's. My friend, who went with me felt the program was not right for her and her son, I am still not so sure. It's a 12 week program that they have to attend 3 times a week and the cost is only a whopping $6000!!!
This brings me to today's topic of discussion. If your child suffers from an illness like Bipolar Disorder or ADHD, how far do you go to get him help? How much money, time and energy do you put into it? A treatment program, a miracle drug or even better a supplement you can use INSTEAD of med's? Yes this one is only 12 weeks and in the long scheme things, that is not that long. What if the program needs more time? What if it's not effective? I know there is no guarantee and that we cannot hold back or shy away from these things but what do you do? As a single mother who can't even barely afford to buy food AND make her house payment, can I really afford $6000? If I say no to this program because of the money, am I keeping my child from something that could really help him? He would practically have to miss 2 days of school just for the assessment and then come in for the program 3 times a week. I would love to know some of the things that the assessment will provide and to see about his diet and if he has any other issues based on the blood/urine draw but is there another way for me to get this info? We did the allergy thing about 5-6 years ago. Maybe it's time to do it again. If I knew what the urine and blood test were testing/looking for, I suppose I could have the same tests ran by his doctor. The other thing about this new program is that after all the tests are run, they draw up a diet plan and send the test results to a lab somewhere and they create a powder supplement just for him based on the results. How cool is that! A supplement that is for HIM!!!
But the main focus of this program is ADHD and other neurological disorders like Autism. How will this affect his Bipolar? If the ADHD is under control ,will the Bipolar side quiet a bit? Or will it be worse?
We have also discussed the full time long care facilities for him in the past. However, this is another issue for me that I always struggle with. If it ever comes down to having to make that choice, we do not live near one and I would have to ship my kid off to another state alone to live and go to school in an institution type facility. I would be able to visit but not very often and I wouldn't be able to afford the travel or the time off. Let alone be able to afford the facility.
Am I holding him back? Can I do what needs to be done here? Is this out of my hands? Should money and proximity limit me on treatments for him?
We have switched doctors and med's so many times. The doctors always try to sway me away from anything that is "natural" and want to push the med's and their treatments. Yet supplements are better for you/your body and are natural! If there is a program that teaches you how to train your brain to focus and helps you figure out why you are the way you are, wouldn't you want to give it a try? Should you not be able to do this because you can't afford the program? What is that saying? Only rich people can get better or be treated? Yes I know the doctors need to be paid and all that but why on earth do they have to charge so much money for it. Not only that but Insurance sucks for these kids too. It only covers a small amount of visits and they always need more. They cost of med's for Bipolar and ADHD are crazy insane.
This is the one constant battle I have with myself over the Bipolar issues. I can control how I parent him. I can control him ( sometimes) when he rages out. I can control where he goes to school and what doctors he does go to (sort of)! But this I cannot control and I hate that! I want him to have the best doctor, the best care, the best med's, the best treatment but I'm not sure how far to go to get it! I know that I would do ANYTHING in my power to make sure he gets all these things and if there is a way for it to be done, I will find it! He is not going to suffer or struggle because of money, proximity and time. He is my priority, he comes first. No I won't be robbing any banks anytime soon! Also I hope that I have an understanding employer who allows me time off work without the fear of loosing my job & the insurance. Which so far, has been the case.
I would love to hear form others who are in this struggle or if they have found the Miracle cure/drug/treatment? Let me know!

New Experiences & Hopeful Change

Sorry it's been awhile since my last post. I know that I promised you a blog about All things Bipolar and that I was going to focus on the 4 key elements that each person/parent/diagnosed person should know. In an earlier blog, I said I would focus on parenting and school since I was in no way shape or form on expert on the subject to provide any type of profound insight on the disorder itself. Jake has it, we don't know why. We treat it with med's and hope we find some that work. That's about all I got. I can go through our med's checklist and tell you what did and didn't work for him but that's not going to help much either since med's never work the same way for kids or even adults. My parenting advice will also be one sided as I am a single mother who has to work 40 hours a week to support her child and keep the medical insurance necessary to treat him. I cannot stay home with him in the summer or after school and when things get too hard for me to handle, I can't walk away and tell the other parent, "It's your turn!" But I will share stories, experiences and any information that I am able to find on the subject. I will share my resources and ask for you to do the same.
First a small recap of how things have been at school and Casa De Wilkerson. We have had a string of good weeks at home with NO outbursts, violent behavior or destruction. He has been pleasant and helpful. We are still working on getting a good bedtime and wake up time down for the school routine but that is also getting MUCH better. He is a lot easier to get up in the mornings now and it not so grumpy about it. For awhile it was hard to keep him up till 7 pm because he was so tired from his day. Now, we are getting to sleep between 8:30-9 and still doing well with getting up in the morning. School has been going well also. His weekly progress reports have continued to improve. He went from a 68% his first week to an 88% for week 2 and a 93% for week 3!!! His teachers all have positive things to say about him and he is even starting to make friends. He is playing with them and sitting with them at lunch! One of the biggest changes between his old and new school is the way his ED program s were structured. In the old school he was in an ED room all day and went out for 2-3 classes and specials. On bad days he was in there all day. At the new school, he is in regular classes all day and only has to go to the Ed room when necessary. His grades are good too.
However as I am typing this telling you all how good he has been doing, I get the call from school, saying I need to go pick him up because he was having a rough day. I will write more later.
OK so we are home now and he is in a calm down period trying to pull himself back together. He was off to a good start this morning and it went downhill from there apparently because of not wanting to do some work. It escalated and got worse throughout the day and he is going to have ISS for the next 2 days. He seems to be coming out of it and is not displaying the violent behaviors now that he is home. Hopefully I will be able to get him to complete his homework later and not send him right back into a mood.
OK so back to our regular scheduled blog...
Tomorrow I am going to a meeting to learn about a possible new program that may solve all our problems ( yeah, yeah, I know.. .TGTBT right??). Well hey, at this point, I will try just about anything within reason if it will help him succeed and get better. I will go into detail about the program tomorrow after the info meeting. A friend of mine is going with me so hopefully we aren't being scammed or suckered into anything.. But we'll see so stay tuned. If this works, it could mean no more med's and it could give us the answers to a lot of unanswered questions.

I've also been trying to get him to start showing some interest in some school or after school programs, we've been talking a lot about choir and I would like to see him join this and try it out. So far, no such luck. Also, there has not been any after school programs that he's shown an interest in either. He uses music a lot to help calm him down and he lives to sing and listen to music. I think it would be really good for him. But yes, I know, it's ultimately his decision and whatever he decides, I will stand behind.
Having the support system that I do in my family & friends (well some of them anyways) is really important to me. However, having a support system of people who are in the same boat that I am has been a godsend. Knowing that they go through the same thing I do, feel the same pains I feel has helped me a lot. For the longest time I felt I was the only one. There is a Yahoo group for Indiana Bipolar Parents and there are emails on a daily basis from parents asking the group questions about med's, doctor recommendations, behavior modification and just about anything and everything. I also get regular emails on both ADHD and Bipolar on a daily basis. There is even a Facebook page for Parents of Bipolar Children (& comorbid diagnoses).
Amazon.com, Borders/Barnes & Noble and the local Library are all great resources for books on Bipolar Disorder as well.
Thanks to all of these outlets, I feel more comfortable with being the parent of a child who has Bipolar Disorder. I don't feel alone anymore and I am starting to get a handle on how to be an effective parent to him as well. I am still learning where to draw that fine line between walking on eggshells so he doesn't get upset and keeping that strong firm hand as a parent to punish him when things don't go his way. Also, I had to learn when to punish him and what to punish him for. You cannot punish a bipolar child in the middle of a rage. That usually just makes things worse. If you don't punish at all, well then they just get to the point where they feel they rule the roost and can get away with anything because you are afraid to punish them for fear it will cause another rage. Sometimes I feel bad for punishing him after he is able to come out of a rage on his own. Thats a huge accomplishment for a child like him. "Hey kiddo, great job on pulling yourself out of that.. oh and by the way you're grounded from tv for the next week." Not always an easy thing to do.. but each day I am learning. I am proud that he has had so many good days lately and that he has been doing so well in school. I can handle one bad afternoon out of 10!!! It used to be the other way around. He is making progress and growing up. Do I expect miracles from him? Nope. I know there will be bad days. It's inevitable. But what is important is that we both know how to handle them when they happen.

Bipolar 101

OK so now that I have shared Jake's story, I suppose it's time to dive into Bipolar 101. I want to continue to point out that I AM NOT A DOCTOR nor am I an expert on this subject. I am just the mother of a child who has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
Recently, some things happened to make me want to go back and "hit the books" so to speak. I went to my local library and checked out 5-6 books on Childhood Bipolar Disorder and Parenting a Bipolar Child. I started to revert back to my old college days and started my research. In the middle of book 1 I noticed my notepad was already getting pull and I had 5 books to go. I figured I better change my approach. So I took the books to work and pretty much just copied the chapters. Five books later and a 2 hour long organization session at my moms house, the Big Red Binder was born. I was able to separate the chapters out into 5 categories and took chapters from each of the books that fit these categories. I broke it down into 1. The Diagnosis 2. Meds & Therapy 3. Parenting 4. School 5. Other. As I have stated before in previous blogs, most of the books were very "medically" written with case studies and scenarios. I also spent a lot of time on the Internet researching the subject and was able to also find Internet material to put in the binder for each one of the categories as well.
One thing that Jake's therapists always drill in his head is to make sure he knows what to do, how to handle an episode and constructive/healthy ways to control his anger. So as his mother, I figured I should also be informed on the subject as well. When he was younger, we had signs and posters up in his room and in the kitchen showing ways to control his anger, an anger thermometer, and also mood charts. Now that he is older and able to express himself better, we have taken these down for now. He has continued to do well in school and we have not had a major rage episode in over 3 weeks. He's only had one episode at school. So far his grades are all A+!!! He's also getting better about getting up in the morning ( sort of) but I think that also it may be because he has been going to bed so much earlier than he used to (on his own, not by my doing). I think our most recent med change to Invega, Intuniv and Lorazepam is effective and working very well. I hope it continues to do so.
I will spend a lot of time and focus on the parenting a bipolar child part. I am not here to help you diagnose your child. I will share stories about the meds Jake has been on and what has worked for us and what hasn't. Again, just because it worked for him, doesn't mean it will be the miracle drug for your child. In the Bipolar Parents community, we hear a lot about these miracle drugs and how awesome they were, but then 5 minutes later we see another story about how awful that same drug was for another child. We had such a hard time with his old school, which is another reason I added school to my Big Red Binder. School and home are 2 completely different worlds for a Bipolar child and it's hard for a parent and teacher to understand that because they only are in one of the 2 environments. Jake can have the worst day at school and come home that night and have a fantastic night and vise versa. Things that would set him off at home, are not present in school. The way the behavior is handled, treated and dealt with is also different at home and school.

So I will share resources, websites, books, etc as well as anything I can on parenting and school. I hope that someday parents out there don't feel the way I did for years. I seriously thought that I was the only person in my state who was the parent of a Bipolar child. Child care places and most schools are not equipped to handle these children. I also learned that his best advocate is me, so I better prepare myself. I want him to have a good life, I want him to be successful, have friends who care about him. He wants to play sports but we are still working on that. He did Tae Kwon Do for 2 years and that worked well for the most part. We just aren't too sure about team sports yet. I don't necessarily feel that I struggle with this more than others but as a single mother who works a full time job outside of the home, it's difficult. Especially when he has been suspended from school, removed from after school programs and is not allowed to participate in summer camps or programs. We went through 2 sitters over the summer. When your support system is small, it does make things difficult.
Please feel free to post stories, ask questions, etc. This is an open forum! Have a great resource to share? A doctor to rave or vent about? Did your kid do something today that only we would understand? Do you need someone to chat with who understands what you are going through?

Jake's Story

I figured in order for me to tell you about all things Bipolar, I better start off with telling you about Jake and the journey we have had to endure to get us to where we are today.

Jake is an only child and is growing up in a broken family. He lives with me full time and spends time with his dad on the weekends, holidays and extended visits in the summer. (Most people would stop me right here and say that these may be the reasons for his Bipolar, nature vs nurture and all).. He was a very happy and easy baby and hit all of his developmental milestones early or on time. During his toddler years, we hit the terrible 2's and I guess that's where things started to get noticed. He never grew out of them. At 3/4 years old, he was acting out and being aggressive towards piers ( more so than normal and for no apparent reason). After being kicked out of 2-3 day care centers for hurting students/teachers, we finally found one where the Director was able to step up and talk to me one day that my child may have a problem. So we took our first steps down this long road and started looking into having him tested/evaluated. I did some research on the doctors in the area and asked for recommendations and I finally decided on our first doctor. He was tested and at 4 years old was diagnosed with ADHD and a few other non-specified disorders. He would fit certain criteria for a few different ones but not enough to actually be classified with the diagnosis.
Over the next 4 years, we would switch doctors 3-4 more times, each time they would either change or add to the diagnosis. We heard ODD, Aspbergers, OCD, and a few others. I felt at times that we were just throwing darts on a dart board and going with whatever diagnosis we landed on for that day. Of course, along with the changes in diagnosis, came the changes in medicines. I can't even honestly tell you how many we have tried. There are some great ones out there and we have had luck with a few working for a good amount of time. Then he builds up a tolerance for them and they stop working. Or the other med issue we had was that he has spent a lot of time on more than 1 at a time and we came to find out that some of the combo's were either contradicting each other & not working at all or they were actually making him worse. Not to mention family and friends who don't really buy into the whole psychology thing with kids and that these kids just act this way from being spoiled or raised incorrectly. We had to deal with that for a long time and had several people who would not accept his diagnosis or be a part of his treatment. Others even blamed me.
Once it was time for school, he was tested and evaluated by the school and was placed in ED classes and an IEP was put in place. He is a very bright student but school has constantly been a struggle for him/us. He was always in trouble, spending time in isolation or being suspended. In second grade he was hospitalized for 10 days and in 3rd grade he was arrested for assaulting a teacher. We were really not seeing any improvement in the behavior and could not keep it under control. Plus always being in trouble or isolated upset him which would also cause more anger problems to surface. He has a hard time making and keeping friends and spends a lot of time playing by himself.
At age 8, after he was hospitalized, we had him reevaluated and this time the tests lead us to the Bipolar/ADHD/Anxiety/ODD Diagnosis. New meds, therapy and treatment to follow. Now we started focusing on social skills, how to control and handle anger and positive ways to express it. He was retaining all of the information from therapy and was able to learn these things, but there was still a problem. In the middle of a Rage, he seemed to forget everything he learned. We couldn't tell what his triggers were, what was setting him off and they always changed.
Over the next few years, we have stayed on course with the Bipolar treatment and meds and working on the social skills & anger management. We have had good days and bad ones. I can say that a few years ago, we would have episodes that lasted several hours/days and now we can go days without any episodes. When we do have them, they are very short and he is able to come out of them on his own. The one thing however is that he is getting older and stronger. Even though the episodes are short his level of aggression and destruction is very high. He has destroyed property in school and at home. Broken lamps, picture frames, remote controls, radios, clocks, etc. If he can pick it up, he will break it. There have been holes put in walls, blinds ripped out of windows and even a rear view mirror ripped out of a car.
Over the summer we moved into a new house which allowed him to change schools. So far we are very happy with the new house and neighborhood. In the old neighborhood the kids were all older than he was and used his diagnosis against him. They would intentionally anger him to set him off. One of them also broke into our home and stole all of his electronics. He hasn't made many friends in the new neighborhood or at school yet but he is trying. The new school is giving him a chance to prove himself and for him to have the chance to make right choices. But the choices are his to make (to a point). His last school basically just kept him locked up all the time in a room with 7 other kids just like him. In my opinion, this was a bad idea because they all fed off each other and did not have a chance to thrive in a normal environment. In his new school he has only been in the ED room for a little while for 1 day so far, the rest of the time he has been in regular classes all day long. I think that once things settle down and he is used to being back at school (he is still on summer mode a little bit) that this will be a very good fit for him and will give them the opportunity to be a huge success. I am so proud how hard he really is trying and hope that as he continues to grow and age, that he will be able to either overcome this all together or at least keep it under control. We still have a long road ahead of us but for right now, the road is smooth, the roadblocks are minimum and the speed seems pretty constant. But the thing about Bipolar, and the one thing we both know, that could change at any moment and we will just have to find a way around the roadblocks and deal with the bumps in the road as part of life.
I was blessed to be the mother of this wonderful child and I would not change a thing. Someone had enough faith in me to know that I was the right one for this job. Best job I'll ever have and one that I will never quit doing.

Stay tuned!

ME ME ME...

OK so yeah, I stated yesterday that I would focus on and devote this blog to all things Bipolar. However todays entry is on a different topic.. ME, you remember, the one I really hate talking about and rarely ever will. Good, well at least I know you are paying attention! But in order to share my "life according to bipolar" stories, which do obviously include and involve me, than I guess this is somewhat loosely related to the topic at hand. With that being said, as I tell this little story about me, I guess I may also need to cover other things that may appear in my blog from time to time.
I don't air my life out on Facebook or any other social media for all to see, and so far I only have one reader (besides me!!) of this blog but I will not hold back on here. I may keep names out of it but you may show up in an entry on occasion. If you are in my life, well then you are part of my story!
WARNING- this next part may need to come with a warning label of some sort..
It's been a rough couple of days here in Kristiland. Some things are way out of my control and I just need to let them go and move on, which I am doing but the other little things, the ones I am in control over are slowly starting to drive me batty. I am not going to use this time to whine and complain (which is something you will rarely ever hear me do) because that won't change anything. It won't make my problems magically disappear. There is nothing I can do about it, so don't ask me if there is anything you could do to make things easier on me. If there was something that could be done, don't you think I would already be doing it. I know there are also people out there who believe that things can be changed and choices can be made. Sure I can give as great advice as the next guy and everything but live my life, wear my shoes.. then you can give me advice, that I might consider following. Ok yes, I know, my life is no worse off than most people out there and there are tons of people out there who are worse off than I am so I am not asking for or looking for sympathy.. I am the independent one who takes care of her own crap!!! No Damsel in Distress here!!! That was never a role I was born to play. I will get out of this and I will move on and come out stronger then I was before, I have no doubt about that! Just give me some time, let me do it on my terms and don't stand in my way!
On that note.. Have a good day!!!
K
Tomorrow, I will start in on all things Bipolar!!! Stay Tuned.

My Purpose in Life

OK so after I get you all caught up on the end of summer/beginning of school, I think I have finally decided on the direction I am going to take this blog. Don't get me wrong I will still sprinkle it with my wit and wisdom on all things dating, couponing, and whatever else I come aross.
The last couple weeks of summer were rough with Jake, we went through 2 sitters and work was missed (well I wouldn't say it was missed HA HA.. sorry, had to!!) . But then school started ( the heavens opened up and the Angels rejoiced). We love the new school and the new teachers and he has not spent any time in the ED room yet. I know that I should not get to excited and that I am still looking at this on a day to day basis but.. we also had a whole solid week of NO disasters. No major blow ups, no one was hurt, nothing was destroyed!!! WOO HOO! We did start some new meds recently and I think they are working so far!!! Are they the miracle drug we have been waiting for? Doubt it but hey, it works for now so lets roll with it, right?

Now on to ME- my least favorite subject and the one I will rarely ever talk about. Still single and have almost decided it may be best. I don't have the time or energy to search for it, and am still over the whole online thing. Still refuse to pay for a membership or a dating service. I know it's a new era in dating and it's worked for many people but I still prefer the old fashioned way.. even though that really hasn't worked out so well for me either! So here I sit.. the last single girl on earth (ok yeah I know I am not but in my world it feels like it when I am in the minority amongst friends). I love that they are all "happily" married or involved with Mr Perfect that there lives are sooo wonderful and all things are sunshine and roses for them. Bitter much? Nah!
But hey when you have a pick up line like this.. Hey baby, how about you come meet my Bipolar Kid.. he's really awesome but you might get injured and if you have anything valuable it might get broken.. oh and if you do anything to my kid or disagree with how I raise him, you're out! So when do you want to go out? Wait, what? Your busy that night? Oh ok I get it. Moving On!!!!

So now for the focus of todays blog.. and many more to come.. My epiphany finally hit me.
After reading coutless numbers of Childhood Bipolar books, it hit me. Most of them all say something very similar, cover the same topics and are all written by Doctors doing case studies!
Here is my case study- Jacob age 10 raised by a single mother with limited means. Child has been removed from every type of daycare, afterschool & summer program he has been involved in for unacceptable behaviors towards his peers. He has been arrested twice, and once was for assulting a family member, the other was a teacher. Before he was 8 years old, he spent 10 days in a psych hospital. He has a very small circle of friends and his social skills are lacking. He has been through 6 doctors and I can't even remember how many medicine changes we have made since he was 4 years old.
His story started out when he was 4, we finally had a Daycare Teacher step up and talk to us about what might be wrong with my child who never really stopped being the terrible 2s. It took us awhile to get him evaluated and then over the next 2-3 years, we were given several different diagnosis and it changed everytime we changed doctors. Finally at 8 years old, we had him reevaluated again after his time in the hospital and thats when we got the Dx- Bipolar, ADHD, Anxiety & Rage.
What did we learn next? Well, the meds! We learned that for most of the time between the ages of 4-8 he was given the wrong combination of drugs which was actually making him worse, not better!!! Apparently, mixing a Bipolar/behavior drug with an ADHD drug is a BAD thing.
His time at school from 1-4th grade was a disaster, he was constantly suspended, refused to do homework, and was always on isolation. We moved away from this school and moved to a new district and so far we love it. The program is totally different and the teacher and I are on the same page as to what we both feel could work best for Jacob and in turn improve some of his social skills in the process!!! I am praying every day this continues to work.

So here is my plan, a Bipolar blog. I will decipher the medical books and and jargon and apply them to personal experiences. I will blog about our personal goals, our downfalls, and whatever else comes up along our long road! If you have questions, if you have concerns, please add them and I will make sure to research them and add them to the blog. We can discuss meds, types of therapies/treatments. What works best in schools, and also the big one for all of us, How to Parent a Bipolar Child. If you don't have a Bipolar Child then please feel free to read this to have a better understanding of what it's like. We always here, I can't imagine what you go through or I don't know how you do it. Well here's a hint.. We don't have a choice. We learn how to move on, we learn what works and when that stops, we learn something new. Am I an expert on this? Hell No. But I feel like the experiences I do have and the pain I have endured qualify me just enough to be able to handle this blog, maintain it and provide to you the most informed and educated information on the subject that I can. I don't what to be one of those parents who swears by a medicine or a treatment because I know that not everything works the same way for everyone and especially with kids. So stay tuned! I will try to start my first one later today but first I guess I better work for a while! :)
Oh and I am also working on a clever sign off/signature for my blogs so stay tuned for that as well.

Playing Catch up & Other Randomness

Well summer is almost over. It's been kinda crazy but I promise at some point this blog will find it's direction and purpose. However now is not that time. Jake had a great summer for the most part with a few rough spots due to the Bipolar. We had another hospital scare and another possible arrest on his record. We decided to do some med changes and we are still trying to see if that is going to work. So stay tuned. We both love the new house and the new neighborhood and he seems to be really excited about the new school!!!
Now on to the me portion of this blog! For those who are keeping track (which at this point is no one) I am still single and yes it still sucks. I took a year off from the dating thing to concentrate on me and my son.. but that year is up and it's time to move on (ok so it's actually amost been 2 years now).. I have decided that although there is some freedom in being single, I really do want someone in my life to keep me balanced, sane & centered. Notice however I did not say NEED. I got to go to South Bend and see one of my closest friends who I miss every day since she moved away. We had a good time, we cut loose, we acted like we were still in our 20's. It was a good time. Met some really great people, one in particular but I am not talking about that just yet.. Trying not to anyways. I would really like to get back out there, see whats available and wouldprefer not to use a dating site for it. Haven't had much luck there and really don't get the concept of having to pay for it!!!!
Have been doing pretty well with the money saving thing/coupons/freebies but still waiting on a lot of that stuff to arrive and working a lot harder on the grocery coupons but still not doing as well as I'd like to with that. No great deals to report today - but then again- who would I report them to??
I have been doing a lot of research on the Bipolar Disorder. Checked out a handful of books from the library, read them, took notes, copied chapters! Made a binder broken down into sections, About Bipolar, Treatment, Parenting and School. Hopefully we will get a handle on this for him soon and we will be able to move forward instead of always feeling stuck or going backwards. I learned a lot from my research!
I need to start my writing again but I can't figure out what direction I want to take with that either.. HA HA common theme.. yeah I know.. I guess I have a lot to put in perspective.

More later.
K

Last link to my youth

Over the weekend I watched the last link to my youth graduate from high school. She was born on the day of my senior prom and she has been a part of my life ever since. I was a big part in her and her sisters life as they were both growing up. I was their babysitter who grew into their friend. (Two years ago, her older sister went off to college at Ball State, where she used to come visit me when she was little.) It was very strange watching her do something that I just did 18 years ago when she was a newborn. (yes becaise I am refusing to think it was really THAT long ago). She is no longer a little girl and is getting ready to start the next journey in her life. The part where she leaves the little girl behind and lets the woman she has become go off to college!!! I am so proud of her and wish her the very best in the next chapter in her life.
I am hoping to start stacking those coupons and deals this week so if there is anything to report on that front, I will provide an update.
Jake is still gone for another week. There is a funeral for the family this week and I still need to do a lot of work on the house. I am hoping things start to change soon in regards to my social life and work is really boring. Now that we are all caught up, everyone enjoy your day!!

My week so far:

I have been able to print almost $70 in coupons and I can't even remember how many freebies I have signed up for. Facebook, For the Mommas and Deal Seeking Moms are my 3 best sources for deals, freebies and samples. Facebook has given me numerous coupons for free bagels, samples, freebies and tons of coupons. Kraft has a great program where they either send you new food products to sample or coupons for a free item from the store. I have friends who are able to go to the grocery store buy over $100 in groceries and actually walk out of there with them paying my friends to basically take the groceries. I am nowhere near that savy but I can find free or low cost movies, meals, deals at Pennys or Bath & Body Works and Target. I know pretty much within a 30 mile radius where my kid can eat free and how to go to a brand new release movie and spend less than $15 for 2 people, including tickets and snacks. But with all that aside and I will post more specific info to these deals as they come along or as my blog progresses but my purpose for this evenings blog is a rant.
I have a son who is almost 11 years old, totally self sufficient and can take care of himself but since I am a single mom with limited income I need a sitter for him for the summer, I cannot afford camps or programs and started looking for a sitter online thru Craigs list or one of those sitter sites.. They all want $10-12 an hour... OK so do the math with me.. a teenager.. getting tax free cash.. 10 hours a day for at least 3-4 days a week... So avg of 330-440 a week for at least 6 weeks ( he spends half the summer with his dad) .. Are you kidding me?? Am I in the minority her to think that is INSANE??? I can see that for smaller children or for a job thats only 2-4 hours but at 10 hours a day?? I am basically playing someone to play video games and hang out at the pool all day and I am supposed to do that at $10 an hour?? No thank you!!!!

Welcome to my Blog

Hi- this is my first blog post ever and I have a few ideas of the direction I want to go with my blog but we shall see how things go. Most of the things I will be posting on here are great deals, coupons, freebies, and local savings. However, on occasion I may throw a blog or 2 in here about Bopolar disorder, ADHD, Anxiety and how my 11 year old son (who is affected by all these things) and I deal with them on a daily basis. I may interject a few blogs about how it sucks being single and the crap I come across in trying to meet new people. I may not submit an entry every day but I will try to keep this up and make sure that you are all getting the appropriate dosage of All Things Blogtastic. If you want to know more about a topic or suggest a topic for me to write about or research, please feel free to comment.
Have a great day!!!