Time for a new book ...

Summer is half way over, Jake has spent most of it in St Vs. Started out in intensive outpatient at the beginning of June, ended up as inpatient by the end of June, did partial in patient for 2 weeks and is now back to intensive outpatient. The nurse prac and therapist there who have been working with J, seem to think that although there is definitely a mood disorder present in my child (tell me something I don't know)that now they are concerned that it could be or may become Conduct Disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I know enough about CD to agree to an extent. I can see how it could develop into CD if this does not get nipped soon. However, ODD is a more viable and believable diagnosis for my child. It's all a huge gray area anyways. I have been his mom for almost 12 years, have a psych background from school and have dealt with countless doctors over the years who all seem to have their own opinion about what is "wrong" with my kid. It's not a concrete thing to diagnose, it's not a disease, there is no cure, there is no straight arrow course of treatment. But no matter what we want to call it, the underlying issue is the case. His safety, the safety of others and to get him to manage his anger and use the appropriate coping skills when handling his anger. Yes those skills, also include medication.
So as I have discussed the big red book before, it's time for a new book, the little white one. (well it's little now, but I'm sure this one will grow over time). This one is strictly focused on behavior, ODD, being the parent, being in control, setting and defining limits and making sure that he knows... NO MEANS NO!!! So this will be my next big project, diving into all this, learning and reading, taking it all in and then trying to dissect it so I can share it with all of you.
So far the little white book is full of articles from www.EmpoweringParents.com. I get their emails and I follow them on Facebook and I share their articles with my friends and support groups all the time. Today I actually dove into the site and found a while library on ODD/Behavior/Parenting. So the little white book was born.
Here is a list of the articles that are in the book. ( please feel free to visit the site if you are interested in reading/printing the articles).
Why the word No sets off an oppositional child
No means No, How to teach your child that you mean business
Parenting ODD Kids, advice from 2 moms who've been there
A day in the mind of your defiant child
Anger as a weapon, when your child "points the gun" at you
Angry Child outbursts: The 10 rules of dealing with an angry child
Angry Child- Fix the Behavior, not the Feelings
Anger with an Angle- Is your child using Anger to control you?
How to manage violent behavior in children and teens
Tired of yelling at your child? Stop screaming & start parenting effectively
Dealing with anger in children/teens:effective tools to help you handle it
Power Struggles: Are you at war with your defiant child
Managing the meltdown
Your child is not your equal: Why you have to be the boss


As you look over these titles, I'm sure a lot of you are saying, hmm, that sounds like my kid or that sounds like something I need to read? You may not have the ODD or CD kid, and for these to be used or be effective, you don't have to.. Jake is not a teen yet but I remember how I was when I was a teen and I was not an ODD/CD kid. A lot of this sounds like typical teen behavior and most of it is, sure but the ODD/CD kids, just take it a little further, get a little angrier, handle it a different way & have different triggers then the "typical" teen.
Nature vs Nurture? Maybe. Is Jake the way he is because of the environment he was raised in, the fact that he is an only child, has divorced parents? Is it a chemical imbalance in his brain? Is there something in his DNA that is missing (or excessive) that is causing this? Unfortunately, we may never know. But what I do know is that I can help him. Can I fix him? Doubt it! But is he broken?? NO WAY!!
We will both continue to work on this, strive for some peace, and hope for the best. Being a parent is a tough job, parenting a child with ODD/CD (ADHD, Bipolar, rage, Autism etc. etc.)is even tougher. I know a lot of strong parents out there who struggle with this every day and not one of them wants to give up, feels like they have failed or wishes that their kid was "normal."
Stay strong, stay in control and stay educated. Reach out for help! Look for support, don't let yourself get sucked in by people who don't understand or want to blame you! Be the best parent, advocate, educator & role model for your child!!
Good Luck!

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