The Fair is in August

Seems I keep repeating that whole apology theme each time I write a new blog. I promise to write more often then ummm, I don't. So let's get that out of the way and then we can all move on. I'm sorry.

Since this is primarily a blog about Bipolar, let's now move on to Jake and how things have been since the last entry. One word- AWESOME! 4 practically perfect weeks at school IN A ROW! Grades are the best they have EVER been and the trend seems to be continuing. Had a few small issues on spring break but he was outside of his element/routine etc. Also a somewhat rough day at school on Wednesday. But hey 1 somewhat rough day in over 20? I'll take it and not complain!!
There are still some of those "social" issues we need to work on but with Jake and all things Bipolar, one step at a time and oh yeah, baby steps too!! But steps forward are still steps!!! :) I am really proud of him and the progress he has made. Here's hoping that he will be able to keep it up during the summer when he will again be outside of his element/routine.

Now for a "slight" tangent & real reason for the blog post today (not that I didn't want to update you all on Jake's amazing story but it's time for a little rant- well sort of). Life isn't fair! What did I do to deserve this? Why is this happening to me? Why can't my life be better or more like his/hers? I can't handle all this stress. I can't pay my bills... Calm down, I'm not suicidal! But who hasn't said these phrases in their lifetime? At least once? Every day? (Getting up on my soap box)... No life is not fair, it's not easy and there will be things we have to struggle for and sacrifice. If life was easy, we would never make mistakes and we would never learn from them to become better people. If we didn't have to struggle, the things we have wouldn't mean as much to us as they do. Oh and the best part about all this is when we are saying how unfair life is to us, guess what we do? We blame someone else! It's easy to do, we've all done it. Blame it on family, your boss, the economy, the President, the gas prices or some other enabling factor we can come up with.. My personal favorite was blaming things on being a single mother to a bipolar child (I'd have more $$ if I wasn't always paying for medicine, therapy, etc, I wouldn't miss so much work if school wasn't always calling me to come pick up my kid and stay home with him for the next few days, both my kid and I would have a happier life if..etc, etc, blah blah blah.But looking back, that never got me anywhere, nothing changed. We still have medical bills, I still don't have enough money to cover them.) Oh come on, you've all done that too. Admit it. Listening to someone complain about a problem and all you want to do is say listen bud, you think you have problems, you should hear mine!! It's OK. it's part of life.. It happens, admit it, deal with it and move on. OK.. so.. whats the point to all this besides just a meaningless rant and ramble, hang on I'm getting there.. We struggle, we fight, we sacrifice and we get up every morning, take a breath (if you get that far, you're off to a good start so keep going at this point right?), and do what we do to get us through each and every day. Hopefully all of this struggle and sacrifice someday pays off and no sorry it probably won't be immediate or any time soon but hang in there, it will happen. There will be good days, there will be little rewards (or maybe even big ones) along the way. Pick a cliche to enter here.. it's always darkest before the dawn, there's always a silver lining, when one door closes, another one opens, etc. So now let's throw in loved ones, kids, friends and family. Whoa!!! It's one thing when it's just you and you have to struggle and fight, now guess what you have to do it for other people too! Yep! Which pretty much means, you no longer do it just for yourself anymore either. Because sacrificing for others, takes up what?? YOUR time! You need clothes? Well your kid needs lunch money and new shoes. Guess who wins? The Doctor's office called and your bill that is 3 months behind is now going to collections, why didn't you pay it? Well because you decided to feed and keep a roof over your children. You have 5 outstanding bills and can only afford to pay 3.. What do you do? Freak out? Stress over it? Complain and whine? Or make the best of what you've got, do what you can, accept that you are only human who unfortunately does not have super powers or that ever so popular money tree in your back yard?
I am not an alcoholic or a recovering anything but based on the life I've lived, I'm a bit surprised (no not really but that's because I am a strong enough person)but there is one thing I want to share.. because it fits every day life! The Serenity Prayer. ..
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Let's break this down.. accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference----seems pretty simple right? Is it something you really cannot change? If not, then OK move on, you cried about it stressed over it, complained about it and it still didn't change, so now where are you? There are some things I can change and somethings I just cannot. I cannot change that Jake is Bipolar and that's OK. There will be medicine and doctor bills to pay. That's OK! I can't change the weather, I apparently can't make it stop snowing in April. Sorry to everyone about that! I tried but again, lacking in those super powers!
Courage to change the things you can.. OK so we admit there are things we can change.. but will you do it? It can be small like I don't like the shirt I'm wearing- so change it. I don't like my hair, so cut it! But there are some pretty big one's too- I hate the way I look, I am not happy in my relationship/marriage, I hate my job, I don't make enough money.. but do you have the courage to change these things? Are these things worth changing? Will you really be happier? Better off? If not, then stop complaining and accept the way things are.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Do I really need to explain this one? As a mother to a Bipolar child.. this is basically how I have learned to live my life now. I would have NEVER done this before. I was always a big picture person, the grand scheme, the list, the plan.. None of the plans I made for myself in HS ever played out (except the whole graduating college thing but it never got any further than that). Not anymore. One day at a time, small steps, looking for blessings in the smaller things and accepting them as positive accomplishments even if they came in the middle of a rage.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next. This world was not created for ME! You don't have to believe in God but do believe in a higher power, give into it or give into HIM. You will be here for awhile you might as well do what you can and enjoy the ride.. Jumping off the ride while in motion is not an option. Plus some believe that when you are done with this life, there's going to be another one. That's a long time to be unhappy! But also one thing to remember here is to love the people around you every day just in case their ride does end tomorrow.

I have had my share of hardships.. I have struggled, sacrificed, pissed people off along the way and have always come out fighting at the end. Money is tight, my kid's health and well being will be an issue for the rest of our lives, I've made mistakes, I've failed, I've had to ask for help (and those who know me know this does not ever happen) I've stressed out so much that I made my self sick over things.. But I finally learned that was not the way to go!! Not for myself and definitely not for my kid!!! It took me a long time to get there and sometimes I do slip! I'm not perfect after all!! So again, life isn't fair, no one is perfect and each day you wake up and are able to draw a breath, while you lie in a bed with a roof over your head-count that as a blessing, get up, get through the day because guess what, there's going to be a repeat tomorrow!

By no means is this meant to offend anyone. This is my blog so therefore, my opinion and I am allowed to share it. So again with more cliche's-Cowboy Up, Put on your big girl panties and suck it up, Life's what you make it, Life is like a box of chocolates-(which by the way, you may not know what you're gonna get but I only eat the ones I like and avoid the ones I don't).
So my final words of wisdom to spew to the masses today- "Eat the good chocolate avoid the bad, but try it first to see if you do or don't like it. Try new things, make mistakes. Live every day to the fullest, don't let the small stuff get you down and look the big stuff in the face and tell it who's boss (that's YOU by the way, in case this still hasn't really sunk in yet)."

Thank you, that is all!

Oh and also in keeping with true form to the blog, here is my shared resource for the day: I will be manning the About Special Kids Booth on April 30Th at Speedway United Methodist Church Info and Resource Fair, 10a.m-2p.m. This is one of the largest resource fairs around. They have attracted hundreds of people each year as they reach out in the community and the city of Indianapolis. Last year they had 60 exhibitors and hope to have more this year. So if you are in the area, come by and see me!:)