So much going on in my head right now, so many ups and downs. Still having the whole good days and bad days thing with J. But we did have 1 really bad last week.. He's growing up, doing the whole preadolescence thing and I am sure that is not helping keep his feelings and hormones in check.. Uggh! He's been OK since and school is still going well.. 2 months in and still in gen ed!! Yipppee! So there's that! Mommy however is still on the back side of all this.. wondering where I went wrong, what I can do better, and being the best mommy I can so that he can thrive! We sat down yesterday and had a really good talk and I hope it sunk in.
Last night I had an email from a lady in one of my online support groups who had to give up all rights to her 8 yr old son to save the lives of her 3 other children. I cried as I read the email and I just could not imagine ever having to go that far. I know a lot of the other moms in the group have their children 1200 miles away in residential treatment centers and I freak out when my kid is 30 minutes away at the stress hospital who I get to visit every day. Calling the cops on your own kid is bad enough, sending him away is gut wrenching. Here is how I feel about that one.. Yes OK sure I would do whatever it takes to make him better, keep him safe. However the flip side to that coin is of course this.. I failed as a mom, I did everything I could to help him and I couldn't! Ouch! Yep, that's me! I made him this way, I need to fix him! Right? Well maybe. No! Reach out to others, get help, meds are OK and therapy is wonderful. But wait, I don't ask for help. Just ask my mom! She'll tell ya that. I have learned that I have to. At least with him I do. Sometimes. I still try my hardest to fix things, diffuse situations, that I have no business trying to diffuse and to make sure he's happy, safe and calm.. Oh yeah and remaining calm myself while doing all this. Sounds easy right?? No!
So there's that.
Now, moving on to my favorite issue in mental health.. pretty much proving that there is no resolute, no definitive, no cut and dry or black and white!!! A new disorder that may explain why the # of children who have been diagnosed as bipolar went up like 4000%! After of course which all the same kids were misdiagnosed as ADHD in the first place who were actually bipolar.. well now they may have temper dysregulation disorder with dysphoria.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=123544191
http://www.dsm5.org/Proposed%20Revision%20Attachments/Justification%20for%20Temper%20Dysregulation%20Disorder%20with%20Dysphoria.pdf
http://www.childrenshospital.org/views/aug10/bipolar_disorder_vs_temper_dysregulation_disorder_with_dysphoria.html
How is TDD different than what was called childhood bipolar disorder?
The core symptoms of TDD are similar to what was formerly diagnosed as the broad type of childhood bipolar disorder. The proposed criteria include:
•severe recurrent temper outbursts that are grossly out of
proportion to the intensity of the situation
•frequency of at least three temper outbursts a week
•temper outbursts ongoing for at least one year
•temper outbursts present in at least two settings (for
example, at home and at school)
•onset before age 10
Unlike bipolar, TDD isn’t seen as a lifelong condition. It also doesn’t respond well to the classic drugs prescribed for bipolar disorder and warrants a different treatment approach. Researchers expect that many of these children will continue having difficulties into adulthood—they just won’t have bipolar disorder.
I've said it before and I will say it again, I don't care what you call it. Figure out how to treat it, keep it under control, and in check. OK so this new one has one thing that I keep seeing.. and if it's true, makes me happy and hopeful for the future.. TDD is not a lifelong condition.. Adolescent BP usually continues and develops into adult onset BP. I don't want this for him for the rest of his life.
I've made some decision's in my life too and I think they will be good for both J and I in the long run. It was a tough decision but definitely a long time coming. Not going to go into that today but maybe someday.
I am less than a week away from my son turning into an official tween! 12! Yikes. He's been struggling to figure out what to do for his Bday this year. Finally decided on going bowling, then it was a struggle on who to invite.. He's been playing with a few kids from the neighborhood lately and doing pretty well but the group ranges in age from 4- 13 I think.. Hard to invite friends to a party when you don't really have any. SO he's decided to spend the day with his family and go bowling. At least that was the decision I got this morning, we are still a few days away, and it could change. It breaks my heart but he seems to be OK about it and for him I will be too..
OK, well that's all I got for today..
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