Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Bipolar 101

OK so now that I have shared Jake's story, I suppose it's time to dive into Bipolar 101. I want to continue to point out that I AM NOT A DOCTOR nor am I an expert on this subject. I am just the mother of a child who has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
Recently, some things happened to make me want to go back and "hit the books" so to speak. I went to my local library and checked out 5-6 books on Childhood Bipolar Disorder and Parenting a Bipolar Child. I started to revert back to my old college days and started my research. In the middle of book 1 I noticed my notepad was already getting pull and I had 5 books to go. I figured I better change my approach. So I took the books to work and pretty much just copied the chapters. Five books later and a 2 hour long organization session at my moms house, the Big Red Binder was born. I was able to separate the chapters out into 5 categories and took chapters from each of the books that fit these categories. I broke it down into 1. The Diagnosis 2. Meds & Therapy 3. Parenting 4. School 5. Other. As I have stated before in previous blogs, most of the books were very "medically" written with case studies and scenarios. I also spent a lot of time on the Internet researching the subject and was able to also find Internet material to put in the binder for each one of the categories as well.
One thing that Jake's therapists always drill in his head is to make sure he knows what to do, how to handle an episode and constructive/healthy ways to control his anger. So as his mother, I figured I should also be informed on the subject as well. When he was younger, we had signs and posters up in his room and in the kitchen showing ways to control his anger, an anger thermometer, and also mood charts. Now that he is older and able to express himself better, we have taken these down for now. He has continued to do well in school and we have not had a major rage episode in over 3 weeks. He's only had one episode at school. So far his grades are all A+!!! He's also getting better about getting up in the morning ( sort of) but I think that also it may be because he has been going to bed so much earlier than he used to (on his own, not by my doing). I think our most recent med change to Invega, Intuniv and Lorazepam is effective and working very well. I hope it continues to do so.
I will spend a lot of time and focus on the parenting a bipolar child part. I am not here to help you diagnose your child. I will share stories about the meds Jake has been on and what has worked for us and what hasn't. Again, just because it worked for him, doesn't mean it will be the miracle drug for your child. In the Bipolar Parents community, we hear a lot about these miracle drugs and how awesome they were, but then 5 minutes later we see another story about how awful that same drug was for another child. We had such a hard time with his old school, which is another reason I added school to my Big Red Binder. School and home are 2 completely different worlds for a Bipolar child and it's hard for a parent and teacher to understand that because they only are in one of the 2 environments. Jake can have the worst day at school and come home that night and have a fantastic night and vise versa. Things that would set him off at home, are not present in school. The way the behavior is handled, treated and dealt with is also different at home and school.

So I will share resources, websites, books, etc as well as anything I can on parenting and school. I hope that someday parents out there don't feel the way I did for years. I seriously thought that I was the only person in my state who was the parent of a Bipolar child. Child care places and most schools are not equipped to handle these children. I also learned that his best advocate is me, so I better prepare myself. I want him to have a good life, I want him to be successful, have friends who care about him. He wants to play sports but we are still working on that. He did Tae Kwon Do for 2 years and that worked well for the most part. We just aren't too sure about team sports yet. I don't necessarily feel that I struggle with this more than others but as a single mother who works a full time job outside of the home, it's difficult. Especially when he has been suspended from school, removed from after school programs and is not allowed to participate in summer camps or programs. We went through 2 sitters over the summer. When your support system is small, it does make things difficult.
Please feel free to post stories, ask questions, etc. This is an open forum! Have a great resource to share? A doctor to rave or vent about? Did your kid do something today that only we would understand? Do you need someone to chat with who understands what you are going through?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Jake's Story

I figured in order for me to tell you about all things Bipolar, I better start off with telling you about Jake and the journey we have had to endure to get us to where we are today.

Jake is an only child and is growing up in a broken family. He lives with me full time and spends time with his dad on the weekends, holidays and extended visits in the summer. (Most people would stop me right here and say that these may be the reasons for his Bipolar, nature vs nurture and all).. He was a very happy and easy baby and hit all of his developmental milestones early or on time. During his toddler years, we hit the terrible 2's and I guess that's where things started to get noticed. He never grew out of them. At 3/4 years old, he was acting out and being aggressive towards piers ( more so than normal and for no apparent reason). After being kicked out of 2-3 day care centers for hurting students/teachers, we finally found one where the Director was able to step up and talk to me one day that my child may have a problem. So we took our first steps down this long road and started looking into having him tested/evaluated. I did some research on the doctors in the area and asked for recommendations and I finally decided on our first doctor. He was tested and at 4 years old was diagnosed with ADHD and a few other non-specified disorders. He would fit certain criteria for a few different ones but not enough to actually be classified with the diagnosis.
Over the next 4 years, we would switch doctors 3-4 more times, each time they would either change or add to the diagnosis. We heard ODD, Aspbergers, OCD, and a few others. I felt at times that we were just throwing darts on a dart board and going with whatever diagnosis we landed on for that day. Of course, along with the changes in diagnosis, came the changes in medicines. I can't even honestly tell you how many we have tried. There are some great ones out there and we have had luck with a few working for a good amount of time. Then he builds up a tolerance for them and they stop working. Or the other med issue we had was that he has spent a lot of time on more than 1 at a time and we came to find out that some of the combo's were either contradicting each other & not working at all or they were actually making him worse. Not to mention family and friends who don't really buy into the whole psychology thing with kids and that these kids just act this way from being spoiled or raised incorrectly. We had to deal with that for a long time and had several people who would not accept his diagnosis or be a part of his treatment. Others even blamed me.
Once it was time for school, he was tested and evaluated by the school and was placed in ED classes and an IEP was put in place. He is a very bright student but school has constantly been a struggle for him/us. He was always in trouble, spending time in isolation or being suspended. In second grade he was hospitalized for 10 days and in 3rd grade he was arrested for assaulting a teacher. We were really not seeing any improvement in the behavior and could not keep it under control. Plus always being in trouble or isolated upset him which would also cause more anger problems to surface. He has a hard time making and keeping friends and spends a lot of time playing by himself.
At age 8, after he was hospitalized, we had him reevaluated and this time the tests lead us to the Bipolar/ADHD/Anxiety/ODD Diagnosis. New meds, therapy and treatment to follow. Now we started focusing on social skills, how to control and handle anger and positive ways to express it. He was retaining all of the information from therapy and was able to learn these things, but there was still a problem. In the middle of a Rage, he seemed to forget everything he learned. We couldn't tell what his triggers were, what was setting him off and they always changed.
Over the next few years, we have stayed on course with the Bipolar treatment and meds and working on the social skills & anger management. We have had good days and bad ones. I can say that a few years ago, we would have episodes that lasted several hours/days and now we can go days without any episodes. When we do have them, they are very short and he is able to come out of them on his own. The one thing however is that he is getting older and stronger. Even though the episodes are short his level of aggression and destruction is very high. He has destroyed property in school and at home. Broken lamps, picture frames, remote controls, radios, clocks, etc. If he can pick it up, he will break it. There have been holes put in walls, blinds ripped out of windows and even a rear view mirror ripped out of a car.
Over the summer we moved into a new house which allowed him to change schools. So far we are very happy with the new house and neighborhood. In the old neighborhood the kids were all older than he was and used his diagnosis against him. They would intentionally anger him to set him off. One of them also broke into our home and stole all of his electronics. He hasn't made many friends in the new neighborhood or at school yet but he is trying. The new school is giving him a chance to prove himself and for him to have the chance to make right choices. But the choices are his to make (to a point). His last school basically just kept him locked up all the time in a room with 7 other kids just like him. In my opinion, this was a bad idea because they all fed off each other and did not have a chance to thrive in a normal environment. In his new school he has only been in the ED room for a little while for 1 day so far, the rest of the time he has been in regular classes all day long. I think that once things settle down and he is used to being back at school (he is still on summer mode a little bit) that this will be a very good fit for him and will give them the opportunity to be a huge success. I am so proud how hard he really is trying and hope that as he continues to grow and age, that he will be able to either overcome this all together or at least keep it under control. We still have a long road ahead of us but for right now, the road is smooth, the roadblocks are minimum and the speed seems pretty constant. But the thing about Bipolar, and the one thing we both know, that could change at any moment and we will just have to find a way around the roadblocks and deal with the bumps in the road as part of life.
I was blessed to be the mother of this wonderful child and I would not change a thing. Someone had enough faith in me to know that I was the right one for this job. Best job I'll ever have and one that I will never quit doing.

Stay tuned!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

ME ME ME...

OK so yeah, I stated yesterday that I would focus on and devote this blog to all things Bipolar. However todays entry is on a different topic.. ME, you remember, the one I really hate talking about and rarely ever will. Good, well at least I know you are paying attention! But in order to share my "life according to bipolar" stories, which do obviously include and involve me, than I guess this is somewhat loosely related to the topic at hand. With that being said, as I tell this little story about me, I guess I may also need to cover other things that may appear in my blog from time to time.
I don't air my life out on Facebook or any other social media for all to see, and so far I only have one reader (besides me!!) of this blog but I will not hold back on here. I may keep names out of it but you may show up in an entry on occasion. If you are in my life, well then you are part of my story!
WARNING- this next part may need to come with a warning label of some sort..
It's been a rough couple of days here in Kristiland. Some things are way out of my control and I just need to let them go and move on, which I am doing but the other little things, the ones I am in control over are slowly starting to drive me batty. I am not going to use this time to whine and complain (which is something you will rarely ever hear me do) because that won't change anything. It won't make my problems magically disappear. There is nothing I can do about it, so don't ask me if there is anything you could do to make things easier on me. If there was something that could be done, don't you think I would already be doing it. I know there are also people out there who believe that things can be changed and choices can be made. Sure I can give as great advice as the next guy and everything but live my life, wear my shoes.. then you can give me advice, that I might consider following. Ok yes, I know, my life is no worse off than most people out there and there are tons of people out there who are worse off than I am so I am not asking for or looking for sympathy.. I am the independent one who takes care of her own crap!!! No Damsel in Distress here!!! That was never a role I was born to play. I will get out of this and I will move on and come out stronger then I was before, I have no doubt about that! Just give me some time, let me do it on my terms and don't stand in my way!
On that note.. Have a good day!!!
K
Tomorrow, I will start in on all things Bipolar!!! Stay Tuned.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My Purpose in Life

OK so after I get you all caught up on the end of summer/beginning of school, I think I have finally decided on the direction I am going to take this blog. Don't get me wrong I will still sprinkle it with my wit and wisdom on all things dating, couponing, and whatever else I come aross.
The last couple weeks of summer were rough with Jake, we went through 2 sitters and work was missed (well I wouldn't say it was missed HA HA.. sorry, had to!!) . But then school started ( the heavens opened up and the Angels rejoiced). We love the new school and the new teachers and he has not spent any time in the ED room yet. I know that I should not get to excited and that I am still looking at this on a day to day basis but.. we also had a whole solid week of NO disasters. No major blow ups, no one was hurt, nothing was destroyed!!! WOO HOO! We did start some new meds recently and I think they are working so far!!! Are they the miracle drug we have been waiting for? Doubt it but hey, it works for now so lets roll with it, right?

Now on to ME- my least favorite subject and the one I will rarely ever talk about. Still single and have almost decided it may be best. I don't have the time or energy to search for it, and am still over the whole online thing. Still refuse to pay for a membership or a dating service. I know it's a new era in dating and it's worked for many people but I still prefer the old fashioned way.. even though that really hasn't worked out so well for me either! So here I sit.. the last single girl on earth (ok yeah I know I am not but in my world it feels like it when I am in the minority amongst friends). I love that they are all "happily" married or involved with Mr Perfect that there lives are sooo wonderful and all things are sunshine and roses for them. Bitter much? Nah!
But hey when you have a pick up line like this.. Hey baby, how about you come meet my Bipolar Kid.. he's really awesome but you might get injured and if you have anything valuable it might get broken.. oh and if you do anything to my kid or disagree with how I raise him, you're out! So when do you want to go out? Wait, what? Your busy that night? Oh ok I get it. Moving On!!!!

So now for the focus of todays blog.. and many more to come.. My epiphany finally hit me.
After reading coutless numbers of Childhood Bipolar books, it hit me. Most of them all say something very similar, cover the same topics and are all written by Doctors doing case studies!
Here is my case study- Jacob age 10 raised by a single mother with limited means. Child has been removed from every type of daycare, afterschool & summer program he has been involved in for unacceptable behaviors towards his peers. He has been arrested twice, and once was for assulting a family member, the other was a teacher. Before he was 8 years old, he spent 10 days in a psych hospital. He has a very small circle of friends and his social skills are lacking. He has been through 6 doctors and I can't even remember how many medicine changes we have made since he was 4 years old.
His story started out when he was 4, we finally had a Daycare Teacher step up and talk to us about what might be wrong with my child who never really stopped being the terrible 2s. It took us awhile to get him evaluated and then over the next 2-3 years, we were given several different diagnosis and it changed everytime we changed doctors. Finally at 8 years old, we had him reevaluated again after his time in the hospital and thats when we got the Dx- Bipolar, ADHD, Anxiety & Rage.
What did we learn next? Well, the meds! We learned that for most of the time between the ages of 4-8 he was given the wrong combination of drugs which was actually making him worse, not better!!! Apparently, mixing a Bipolar/behavior drug with an ADHD drug is a BAD thing.
His time at school from 1-4th grade was a disaster, he was constantly suspended, refused to do homework, and was always on isolation. We moved away from this school and moved to a new district and so far we love it. The program is totally different and the teacher and I are on the same page as to what we both feel could work best for Jacob and in turn improve some of his social skills in the process!!! I am praying every day this continues to work.

So here is my plan, a Bipolar blog. I will decipher the medical books and and jargon and apply them to personal experiences. I will blog about our personal goals, our downfalls, and whatever else comes up along our long road! If you have questions, if you have concerns, please add them and I will make sure to research them and add them to the blog. We can discuss meds, types of therapies/treatments. What works best in schools, and also the big one for all of us, How to Parent a Bipolar Child. If you don't have a Bipolar Child then please feel free to read this to have a better understanding of what it's like. We always here, I can't imagine what you go through or I don't know how you do it. Well here's a hint.. We don't have a choice. We learn how to move on, we learn what works and when that stops, we learn something new. Am I an expert on this? Hell No. But I feel like the experiences I do have and the pain I have endured qualify me just enough to be able to handle this blog, maintain it and provide to you the most informed and educated information on the subject that I can. I don't what to be one of those parents who swears by a medicine or a treatment because I know that not everything works the same way for everyone and especially with kids. So stay tuned! I will try to start my first one later today but first I guess I better work for a while! :)
Oh and I am also working on a clever sign off/signature for my blogs so stay tuned for that as well.