I'm not sure if this should be in my bipolar blog or my music/movie blog but I'm pretty sure I can work it into this one.. I have a way of spinning things and seeing them in a different way these days. It's something I have learned as the mother of a bipolar child. Look for small miracles, little blessings, learn to believe in things, find faith in places you don't normally look.
I have always had a "relationship" with the moon and water (so to speak). I am able to find peace and a calmness anytime I am on or near the water. It's something I have always been able to feel. On the water, watching it rain, etc. The moon has always held a special place in my life. It's the one constant thing and no matter where you are in the world, you can always see it. You know that if you are apart from someone or missing someone, they can look up at the moon and see the same thing you do. Closing any space or distance between you. It's also calming and peaceful.
As the mother of a bipolar child or any mother who has a special needs child, you know that you need to find faith or a higher power to believe it. You can believe in God and not be religious, You can find faith and spirituality in a higher power or in nature.. Find something. Having faith, hope and a belief in something greater than yourself if a very strong tool in overcoming stress, anxiety and coming so close to the edge you just want to give up. Ask for help, look for guidance, pray to God. Look for small miracles in every day. Count the smallest blessings and celebrate any victory no matter how big or small.
The weird thing about this is how this blog idea formed in my head.. J and I were watching Bruce Almighty and Evan Almighty yesterday. Both are really cute movies and they have a good message. In Bruce Almighty, God takes a break and lets Bruce play God.. Since he thinks he can do better. He was angry at God for not answering his prayers. At first Bruce uses his new powers to right the wrongs in his life and then just does a blanket "yes" answer to all incoming prayers without even listening to them. Things go wrong and even the things he tried to fix in his own life, fell apart and didn't work out as he'd planned. At the end of the movie God tells Bruce... Parting your soup is not a miracle Bruce, it's a magic trick. A single mom who's working two jobs, and still finds time to take her son to soccer practice, that's a miracle. A teenager who says "no" to drugs and "yes" to an education, that's a miracle. People want me to do everything for them. What they don't realize is *they* have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle.
God may not answer your prayers the way you want him to. But be patient. Be the Miracle you are looking for. You may not get the answer you want but there is always an answer. You may just have to look harder for it.
Even Almighty- God seeks him out to build an Ark and his family and co workers all think he's gone crazy. He ran for congress with the promise to Change the World. So as he builds the Ark, the animals show up, media shows up and all the townspeople come to watch. Basically, it starts to rain and then it stops, so no flood. But then a dam breaks that was built by a corrupt politician.. blah blah blah but the point of this one is: God: How do we change the world?
Evan Baxter: One single act of random kindness at a time.
God: [spoken while writing A-R-K on ground with a stick] One Act, of, Random, Kindness.
Random acts of kindness can change the world. It may not be saving the whole world from a flood but it can be a small thing that can change your world. (Bringing me back to my starfish story of course.. Can't change the world but you can make a difference for that one). Ask for help, listen to others, be nice. Be there for a mom or a child who is struggling. Understand what they are going through. Be a support system, be a friend. Be kind to the children, be a positive role model. Don't judge them. Don't presume to understand if you can't. Smile, say hello, offer to help even if you are not asked. You could make the difference in someones day. This goes for anyone. Any situation. No matter what.
I started reading a book last night called "Now I see the Moon." It's written by a mother who adopted a toddler child from Russia to later discover he was Autistic. Her friends and family tried to encourage her to send him back. He may have been adopted but that is her child. Not something you can send back because it's defective. I'm only about half way through the book but as a little girl she had imaginary friends and spoke to the moon every night. Had a secret language that she would write on her windows so the moon could see it. Once she was a mother, she sought out the best doctor on the other side of the country, she defied the schools, gave up a lot of her life because her child could not function in social settings that he was not comfortable in. Some of her family members had trouble connecting with him but that is what her purpose in life came to be.. connecting with her child. Not conforming him to "routine behaviors." When he wants to spin around the room, she spins with him, instead of telling him to stop. When he wants to bang on pots int he kitchen, she turnes it into a small parade or concert. She embraces his "quirks." When he obsessed over things, she would mimic him and he would eventually stop and move on to something else. It's a really good book and I hope to finish it soon.
But for now.. Be the Miracle and try and at least do one random act of kindness each day. For yourself, for your child or even a complete stranger! With the book, so far I've learned, maybe unconventional is a possibility. Who decides what is normal or routine behaviors and why can't you turn a pot banging session into a parade around the house? Find something that works for you, believe it in and Go for it!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
The Bipolar Roller Coaster
I have spent a lot of time talking about Bipolar Disorder and what it means to me and my son. I get asked a lot how he's doing or how his day was and my answer is usually never the same thing twice. It's hard to explain to people who aren't around it, who don't understand it and who flat out just don't believe it. (I don't even bother to try with that last group anymore). It's an illness. It's a disease. It's not a broken bone or cancer. It's not as simple or cut and dry. There are multiple therapies, multiple drugs and multiple tests to use to determine a correct diagnosis. But what about if you are having a good or a bad day on the test days? Will that sway the diagnosis? What if you have an old school doctor who thinks that kids just misbehave and it's the parents fault? (Love those doctors!!) Meds- don't even get me started on those, anti-depressants, anti-seizure meds, anti-psychotics etc, etc. So many drugs with so many uses and what works great on one kid, may not so well on another. Frustrating to say the least. So the best way to explain it or describe what we go through on a daily basis is to take a trip to my imaginary theme park.
First we start with the drive there.. Are we anxious about going because it's something new or are we excited? Depending on how long the car ride is, it could be both. Or there is always, I don't want to go, this theme park sucks, I want to stay home and play with my friends or sleep and if you make me go, I'll ruin the whole day for everyone! But you go because you are the parent, you are the one in charge and you go for it hoping that once you get there, it will all be OK!!!
(This is how we start every morning, getting up and driving to school).
Once we arrive at the theme park for our day of fun, it's any one's game here. What do we ride first? Who gets to decide? What if the lines are too long? If you are a single mom with only one kid or a family of 4 with a mommy, a daddy and a "normal sibling along with the bipolar child or anything in between, this day can be different for everyone. Everyone gets a chance to choose, the child doesn't get to make all the decision's and has to respect that there are other people on this outing. He may have to wait his turn to ride his favorite ride and the line may be 3 hours long. So now we are standing still in a line, barely moving and you hope that a meltdown does not occur. You try and provide some sort of time table or structure to the day so everyone knows what is going on, when to be where and try to make everyone happy all in one day! Oh and by this time we've only been here for an hour!
Now we deal with the whining and bickering, I don't want to ride that ride, I want to go eat, I want to site down, this line is too long, the excuses fly and the referee (which of course is you) has to step in and try and get everyone on board and a compromise is set in place, now once again everyone is happy and the day goes on. Of course this always happens in front of a large group of people who are now totally staring at you and wondering why you are trying to rationalize with a screaming child. So you deal with that in your own way, you can ignore it and move on or try to explain to people that you have a special needs child. If the child is old enough, do you trust them enough to go off on their own? Do you trust that they will make good choices and not cause trouble and that sometime in the next hour the park security are not trying to track you down? Giving them some freedom and Independence is a good thing but the old adage give them too much rope and they'll hang themselves does ring true. Maybe you let them go off and ride a ride that is next to another one that you or another sibling wants to ride. We can't shelter them forever. They have to learn how to be a grown up and be responsible and make the right decisions sometime right??
(this is a typical school day for us)
Bipolar kids are usually on some sort of amusement park ride on a daily basis. The ups and downs, twists and turns of a roller coaster. The out of control, spinning so fast tea cups, the bullet that sends them spiraling upside down, the bumper cars where they are all over the place and trying to hit anything in their way. Then there is the sinning saucer thing where you are strapped to the side wall and the bottom drops out from under you while you are spinning totally and insanely fast. Oh and lets not forget a trip to the fun house with all the crazy mirrors. These aren't just 3-5 minute rides for these kids. This is every day life. If you are lucky, some of the outbursts can last 3-5 minutes but most of the time it's more like the 2 or 3 hour wait in line for that 3-5 minute ride. Then they get off the ride and are ready to move on to the next one, like the last one was no big deal. It's over, I'm done and moving on.
Lets not forget the rules of the park. These must be followed or you will be asked to leave. Probably carrying a kicking screaming child against his will forcing him to leave, making a spectacle of everything in front of the whole crowded park. Wait in line, no running, no cutting, you must be this tall to ride this ride, no riding with a pacemaker,no food or drinks in line! So many rules Ugh! Not to mention the special rules that you have to remind your bipolar child about before you enter. You know the ones that every one else knows but for some reason your child has to be reminded to keep his voice down, keep his hands to himself, don't say out loud things like that lady over there has a big butt! Chew with your mouth closed. No throwing things. Blah blah blah.
If you survive the day at the park, there is the ride home. Hopefully the kids are so tired it's a quiet ride home. Just watch out for that sometimes though because tired kids can be triggered so fast on things that you would never think of. Plus this is also your time to decompress, make sense of the day and play it over in your head. Think about what went wrong, what you could have done differently. It's your turn to breathe.
Then you get home, have to worry about dinner, chores, housecleaning, bathing, caring for pets, etc. Most likely the child(ren) are off somewhere catching up with friends, watching TV or just being lazy from the long day and not helping you out but yelling and wanting to know where a shirt is or when dinner will be ready. Of course they don't quite know that they are capable of getting up and looking for said shirt on their own. You drop everything to go help, then get criticized for not having dinner done when you promised.
Not all days are like this or there may be small moments during the day that are. Hopefully you are lucky enough to only have occasional outbursts and you are learning when and how to deal with them. Doing what is best for the child as well as yourself. Still providing him with a strong foundation to use as he or she grows up and has to become an adult without a live-in maid or chef.
Hopefully you get to visit the amusement parks and have fun. You enjoy the good times and remember those over the bad as much as you can. You praise the child for even the smallest bit of a good thing. You stay in control and remember who the parent is. Some parents I know don't have these luxuries and they have had to send their kids to residential treatment centers in other states, several hours away from home. I even knew a mother who had to sign away the rights to her bipolar child and put him in foster care or the court was going to take away her other children because the bipolar child was such a danger to them. My heart breaks for these families. This is how major this is. It can come to things like that. They don't get to have good or bad days at the amusement park or cherish the little moments and break through.
Hopefully you spend more time waiting in line for the bipolar roller coaster to board then you do on the ride itself. Plus use that time in line as time to remind your child of the good times and that a ride on a roller coaster is just a few minutes and it may be scary and wild but if you just focus on the end of the track and breathe it will all be over soon. And if that doesn't work then bribe them with a reward for being such a trooper and handling the roller coaster ride like a pro!!! :)
First we start with the drive there.. Are we anxious about going because it's something new or are we excited? Depending on how long the car ride is, it could be both. Or there is always, I don't want to go, this theme park sucks, I want to stay home and play with my friends or sleep and if you make me go, I'll ruin the whole day for everyone! But you go because you are the parent, you are the one in charge and you go for it hoping that once you get there, it will all be OK!!!
(This is how we start every morning, getting up and driving to school).
Once we arrive at the theme park for our day of fun, it's any one's game here. What do we ride first? Who gets to decide? What if the lines are too long? If you are a single mom with only one kid or a family of 4 with a mommy, a daddy and a "normal sibling along with the bipolar child or anything in between, this day can be different for everyone. Everyone gets a chance to choose, the child doesn't get to make all the decision's and has to respect that there are other people on this outing. He may have to wait his turn to ride his favorite ride and the line may be 3 hours long. So now we are standing still in a line, barely moving and you hope that a meltdown does not occur. You try and provide some sort of time table or structure to the day so everyone knows what is going on, when to be where and try to make everyone happy all in one day! Oh and by this time we've only been here for an hour!
Now we deal with the whining and bickering, I don't want to ride that ride, I want to go eat, I want to site down, this line is too long, the excuses fly and the referee (which of course is you) has to step in and try and get everyone on board and a compromise is set in place, now once again everyone is happy and the day goes on. Of course this always happens in front of a large group of people who are now totally staring at you and wondering why you are trying to rationalize with a screaming child. So you deal with that in your own way, you can ignore it and move on or try to explain to people that you have a special needs child. If the child is old enough, do you trust them enough to go off on their own? Do you trust that they will make good choices and not cause trouble and that sometime in the next hour the park security are not trying to track you down? Giving them some freedom and Independence is a good thing but the old adage give them too much rope and they'll hang themselves does ring true. Maybe you let them go off and ride a ride that is next to another one that you or another sibling wants to ride. We can't shelter them forever. They have to learn how to be a grown up and be responsible and make the right decisions sometime right??
(this is a typical school day for us)
Bipolar kids are usually on some sort of amusement park ride on a daily basis. The ups and downs, twists and turns of a roller coaster. The out of control, spinning so fast tea cups, the bullet that sends them spiraling upside down, the bumper cars where they are all over the place and trying to hit anything in their way. Then there is the sinning saucer thing where you are strapped to the side wall and the bottom drops out from under you while you are spinning totally and insanely fast. Oh and lets not forget a trip to the fun house with all the crazy mirrors. These aren't just 3-5 minute rides for these kids. This is every day life. If you are lucky, some of the outbursts can last 3-5 minutes but most of the time it's more like the 2 or 3 hour wait in line for that 3-5 minute ride. Then they get off the ride and are ready to move on to the next one, like the last one was no big deal. It's over, I'm done and moving on.
Lets not forget the rules of the park. These must be followed or you will be asked to leave. Probably carrying a kicking screaming child against his will forcing him to leave, making a spectacle of everything in front of the whole crowded park. Wait in line, no running, no cutting, you must be this tall to ride this ride, no riding with a pacemaker,no food or drinks in line! So many rules Ugh! Not to mention the special rules that you have to remind your bipolar child about before you enter. You know the ones that every one else knows but for some reason your child has to be reminded to keep his voice down, keep his hands to himself, don't say out loud things like that lady over there has a big butt! Chew with your mouth closed. No throwing things. Blah blah blah.
If you survive the day at the park, there is the ride home. Hopefully the kids are so tired it's a quiet ride home. Just watch out for that sometimes though because tired kids can be triggered so fast on things that you would never think of. Plus this is also your time to decompress, make sense of the day and play it over in your head. Think about what went wrong, what you could have done differently. It's your turn to breathe.
Then you get home, have to worry about dinner, chores, housecleaning, bathing, caring for pets, etc. Most likely the child(ren) are off somewhere catching up with friends, watching TV or just being lazy from the long day and not helping you out but yelling and wanting to know where a shirt is or when dinner will be ready. Of course they don't quite know that they are capable of getting up and looking for said shirt on their own. You drop everything to go help, then get criticized for not having dinner done when you promised.
Not all days are like this or there may be small moments during the day that are. Hopefully you are lucky enough to only have occasional outbursts and you are learning when and how to deal with them. Doing what is best for the child as well as yourself. Still providing him with a strong foundation to use as he or she grows up and has to become an adult without a live-in maid or chef.
Hopefully you get to visit the amusement parks and have fun. You enjoy the good times and remember those over the bad as much as you can. You praise the child for even the smallest bit of a good thing. You stay in control and remember who the parent is. Some parents I know don't have these luxuries and they have had to send their kids to residential treatment centers in other states, several hours away from home. I even knew a mother who had to sign away the rights to her bipolar child and put him in foster care or the court was going to take away her other children because the bipolar child was such a danger to them. My heart breaks for these families. This is how major this is. It can come to things like that. They don't get to have good or bad days at the amusement park or cherish the little moments and break through.
Hopefully you spend more time waiting in line for the bipolar roller coaster to board then you do on the ride itself. Plus use that time in line as time to remind your child of the good times and that a ride on a roller coaster is just a few minutes and it may be scary and wild but if you just focus on the end of the track and breathe it will all be over soon. And if that doesn't work then bribe them with a reward for being such a trooper and handling the roller coaster ride like a pro!!! :)
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
a little bit of everything and a whole lot of nothing...
So much going on in my head right now, so many ups and downs. Still having the whole good days and bad days thing with J. But we did have 1 really bad last week.. He's growing up, doing the whole preadolescence thing and I am sure that is not helping keep his feelings and hormones in check.. Uggh! He's been OK since and school is still going well.. 2 months in and still in gen ed!! Yipppee! So there's that! Mommy however is still on the back side of all this.. wondering where I went wrong, what I can do better, and being the best mommy I can so that he can thrive! We sat down yesterday and had a really good talk and I hope it sunk in.
Last night I had an email from a lady in one of my online support groups who had to give up all rights to her 8 yr old son to save the lives of her 3 other children. I cried as I read the email and I just could not imagine ever having to go that far. I know a lot of the other moms in the group have their children 1200 miles away in residential treatment centers and I freak out when my kid is 30 minutes away at the stress hospital who I get to visit every day. Calling the cops on your own kid is bad enough, sending him away is gut wrenching. Here is how I feel about that one.. Yes OK sure I would do whatever it takes to make him better, keep him safe. However the flip side to that coin is of course this.. I failed as a mom, I did everything I could to help him and I couldn't! Ouch! Yep, that's me! I made him this way, I need to fix him! Right? Well maybe. No! Reach out to others, get help, meds are OK and therapy is wonderful. But wait, I don't ask for help. Just ask my mom! She'll tell ya that. I have learned that I have to. At least with him I do. Sometimes. I still try my hardest to fix things, diffuse situations, that I have no business trying to diffuse and to make sure he's happy, safe and calm.. Oh yeah and remaining calm myself while doing all this. Sounds easy right?? No!
So there's that.
Now, moving on to my favorite issue in mental health.. pretty much proving that there is no resolute, no definitive, no cut and dry or black and white!!! A new disorder that may explain why the # of children who have been diagnosed as bipolar went up like 4000%! After of course which all the same kids were misdiagnosed as ADHD in the first place who were actually bipolar.. well now they may have temper dysregulation disorder with dysphoria.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=123544191
http://www.dsm5.org/Proposed%20Revision%20Attachments/Justification%20for%20Temper%20Dysregulation%20Disorder%20with%20Dysphoria.pdf
http://www.childrenshospital.org/views/aug10/bipolar_disorder_vs_temper_dysregulation_disorder_with_dysphoria.html
How is TDD different than what was called childhood bipolar disorder?
The core symptoms of TDD are similar to what was formerly diagnosed as the broad type of childhood bipolar disorder. The proposed criteria include:
•severe recurrent temper outbursts that are grossly out of
proportion to the intensity of the situation
•frequency of at least three temper outbursts a week
•temper outbursts ongoing for at least one year
•temper outbursts present in at least two settings (for
example, at home and at school)
•onset before age 10
Unlike bipolar, TDD isn’t seen as a lifelong condition. It also doesn’t respond well to the classic drugs prescribed for bipolar disorder and warrants a different treatment approach. Researchers expect that many of these children will continue having difficulties into adulthood—they just won’t have bipolar disorder.
I've said it before and I will say it again, I don't care what you call it. Figure out how to treat it, keep it under control, and in check. OK so this new one has one thing that I keep seeing.. and if it's true, makes me happy and hopeful for the future.. TDD is not a lifelong condition.. Adolescent BP usually continues and develops into adult onset BP. I don't want this for him for the rest of his life.
I've made some decision's in my life too and I think they will be good for both J and I in the long run. It was a tough decision but definitely a long time coming. Not going to go into that today but maybe someday.
I am less than a week away from my son turning into an official tween! 12! Yikes. He's been struggling to figure out what to do for his Bday this year. Finally decided on going bowling, then it was a struggle on who to invite.. He's been playing with a few kids from the neighborhood lately and doing pretty well but the group ranges in age from 4- 13 I think.. Hard to invite friends to a party when you don't really have any. SO he's decided to spend the day with his family and go bowling. At least that was the decision I got this morning, we are still a few days away, and it could change. It breaks my heart but he seems to be OK about it and for him I will be too..
OK, well that's all I got for today..
Last night I had an email from a lady in one of my online support groups who had to give up all rights to her 8 yr old son to save the lives of her 3 other children. I cried as I read the email and I just could not imagine ever having to go that far. I know a lot of the other moms in the group have their children 1200 miles away in residential treatment centers and I freak out when my kid is 30 minutes away at the stress hospital who I get to visit every day. Calling the cops on your own kid is bad enough, sending him away is gut wrenching. Here is how I feel about that one.. Yes OK sure I would do whatever it takes to make him better, keep him safe. However the flip side to that coin is of course this.. I failed as a mom, I did everything I could to help him and I couldn't! Ouch! Yep, that's me! I made him this way, I need to fix him! Right? Well maybe. No! Reach out to others, get help, meds are OK and therapy is wonderful. But wait, I don't ask for help. Just ask my mom! She'll tell ya that. I have learned that I have to. At least with him I do. Sometimes. I still try my hardest to fix things, diffuse situations, that I have no business trying to diffuse and to make sure he's happy, safe and calm.. Oh yeah and remaining calm myself while doing all this. Sounds easy right?? No!
So there's that.
Now, moving on to my favorite issue in mental health.. pretty much proving that there is no resolute, no definitive, no cut and dry or black and white!!! A new disorder that may explain why the # of children who have been diagnosed as bipolar went up like 4000%! After of course which all the same kids were misdiagnosed as ADHD in the first place who were actually bipolar.. well now they may have temper dysregulation disorder with dysphoria.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=123544191
http://www.dsm5.org/Proposed%20Revision%20Attachments/Justification%20for%20Temper%20Dysregulation%20Disorder%20with%20Dysphoria.pdf
http://www.childrenshospital.org/views/aug10/bipolar_disorder_vs_temper_dysregulation_disorder_with_dysphoria.html
How is TDD different than what was called childhood bipolar disorder?
The core symptoms of TDD are similar to what was formerly diagnosed as the broad type of childhood bipolar disorder. The proposed criteria include:
•severe recurrent temper outbursts that are grossly out of
proportion to the intensity of the situation
•frequency of at least three temper outbursts a week
•temper outbursts ongoing for at least one year
•temper outbursts present in at least two settings (for
example, at home and at school)
•onset before age 10
Unlike bipolar, TDD isn’t seen as a lifelong condition. It also doesn’t respond well to the classic drugs prescribed for bipolar disorder and warrants a different treatment approach. Researchers expect that many of these children will continue having difficulties into adulthood—they just won’t have bipolar disorder.
I've said it before and I will say it again, I don't care what you call it. Figure out how to treat it, keep it under control, and in check. OK so this new one has one thing that I keep seeing.. and if it's true, makes me happy and hopeful for the future.. TDD is not a lifelong condition.. Adolescent BP usually continues and develops into adult onset BP. I don't want this for him for the rest of his life.
I've made some decision's in my life too and I think they will be good for both J and I in the long run. It was a tough decision but definitely a long time coming. Not going to go into that today but maybe someday.
I am less than a week away from my son turning into an official tween! 12! Yikes. He's been struggling to figure out what to do for his Bday this year. Finally decided on going bowling, then it was a struggle on who to invite.. He's been playing with a few kids from the neighborhood lately and doing pretty well but the group ranges in age from 4- 13 I think.. Hard to invite friends to a party when you don't really have any. SO he's decided to spend the day with his family and go bowling. At least that was the decision I got this morning, we are still a few days away, and it could change. It breaks my heart but he seems to be OK about it and for him I will be too..
OK, well that's all I got for today..
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
"Parentofabipolarchilditis"
OK, so.. the luck has run out and we hit a snag last night. A big one.. First call from school to come pick him up a tthe end of the day because he could not get on the bus. So I left work early, went to pick him up and proceed to be a parent! *Gasp* I attempted to punish my child for his bad behavior!
Well that just did not go over well with the child who felt that he should be able to come home from school and be able to play outside and watch tv. So bad day for the child at school turned into nightmare at home for the next few hours. Stuff got damaged, things got broken, people got hurt, blah blah blah. Yeah you know the story.
Not the point of the bog today folks!!!
Today we are going to talk about ... AFTERWARDS!
As many of you with children who suffer from bipolar disorder know.. once they are done with the rage, it's over, they are done, moved on and totally back to normal, like it never even happened!! There is some remorse, there is possibly some "blackout" moments as they are being reminded of things that happened during the rage. But it's back to business as usual. Hence the reason I have lovingly referred to my child as the incredible hulk for many years now.. yeah you remember the guy who glazes over, turns big, green and ugly when he's angry. Yep thats my kid.. But when he's done being angry, he's back to himself.. This disorder is very much a split personality issue. Not on the level of schizophrenia or DID by any means. He's not hearing voices and it's still him when these things happen but it's not really "him." It's almost like there are 2 versions of my son.
That may be the whole point of this blog today but the title... well that's what I like to call what pretty much any parent of a bipolar child suffers from.. (insert other dirder here for bipolar in your child suffers from something similar). They go from 0-60 in 2.3 seconds and right back again.. However, as a parent.. We don't.. Well at least I don't.. He's ready to move on, he's moved past it.. I'm not. Why is that? Why does it take us longer to get over this than they do? Why can't we turn it on and off like they can? I am exhausted, drained and physically, emotionally and mentally wiped out after an episode with him. And I need more than 5 seconds to cool down. I need time to get myself back together, get things back in order, make sense of things and time to breathe again.
Not only that but the whole being a parent of a bipolar child while they are in a rage is no picnic either. You have to remain calm, try to get them to calm down. You have to make sure that they are safe, that you are safe. You try and protect things that could get broken. Not an easy situation to stay calm in! You have to reassure them that they are loved and wanted and that what they are doing is wrong but that doesn't make them a bad person. As a parent we see a child with bad behaviors, but they see a horrible person who no one loves or wants. It tests your faith and your strength. It wares you down. It breaks your heart. But you have to be the strong one, you have to still be the one in control. You cannot give that control to your child. And yes, they still have to deal with the consequences. You just have to know the right time to present them to a bipolar child or no matter what you did to diffuse the situation previously, you just lit the bomb again!
I love my child, no matter what his diagnosis is, no matter the behaviors he exhibits. He doesn't always make the best choices in how to handle his anger or what is really necessary or appropriate to be angry over. When he is happy and calm he knows a million and one ways to successfully handle stress, anxiety or anget but when the Hulk decides to come out for a visit, apparently he doens't know the best way to handle things. If I can get past the Hulk and get to Jake, I can get him to overcome the Hulk and come back.. He doesn't always realize it but he's really the stronger of the 2 (not physically, but definately emotionally and mentally). I am hoping that over the years and as he gets older, he will be able to do this on his own without my help but right now, I will do whatever I can to help him get through these.I will continue to find ways for him to be successful and happy. I will count my blessings on our good days and look to my friends and family for support on our bad ones. I will still high him tight and tell him I love him every night when I tuck him in bed, no matter if it's after a good day or a bad one. I will still take my time to decompress after an episode and hopefully find a way to deal with my "parentofabipolarchilditis" as he will continue to learn how to deal with his bipolar. We are a team and we will help each other. We will stand tall, we will move forward and we will learn from our mistakes and use them to both become better people.
You cannot go through this alone and I hope that anyone who is in my situation does not have to or feel like they are. Rely on other people, don't be afraid to ask for help. You may not want people to know what is going on but trust me, it's really best if they do. Not everyone but at least people you know you can count on and trust when it comes down to it. People who judge or don't understand the disorder, are not the ones you want to lean on in times like this. But not everyone is like that. Don't be afraid to open up and ask for help. Your child may be the one with bipolar disorder but you also need strenght and support! You need this so you can be the best parent your child needs.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The proof is in the .. pudding?? No, it's in the emails.
So, we are back to school and summer is basically over. Sigh of relief for being back on a schedule and more of a routine but still holding the breath every time the phone rings hoping it's not school!!
BP kids or any ED kids really have a tough time in school and in turn so do the parents. We fret over case conferences, calls to and from the teacher to discuss things, weekly behavior reports and just about anything else.
So far so good!!! We are into our second full week of school now and so far J has had little to no involvement with his ED teacher except end of the day check In's. He's fully immersed in Gen. Ed classes, eating lunch in the cafeteria, enjoying recess with friends and participating in gym, music and art!
Mind you that we did this last year as well and it lasted until Labor Day then fell apart until ... April! So again with the bated breath, hoping that he makes it past Labor Day this year. Fingers Crossed! Then we take it day by day, week by week.
One thing that is sooo important to have for an ED kid is an awesome team of teachers who is on his side. Moving him from Lawrence township to HSE schools was the BEST decision I EVER made. His ED teacher is amazing and his team of teachers this year is awesome. His homeroom teacher is amazing. She used to be an ED teacher and his current ED teacher had him placed on her team on purpose.
We had our first issue with one of the teachers last night due to an over excessive amount of homework sent home. OK- my kid can't focus on anything for more than 5 seconds and has the attention span of a fruit fly!!! (It's OK, he knows this!) The teacher sent home over 50 math problems for him to do.
As ED parents we also HATE homework time but when it takes over 2 hours, it's just UGLY. They get cranky, we get cranky. Things get ugly, he gets upset, feels like a failure, blah blah blah.. So we finally got through as much of it as we could- after 9 million distraction's and 48 blow ups over him not knowing how to do it because the teacher didn't explain it. Not to mention the 72 times he told me I didn't know what I was doing and I don't know match so I can't help him!!
I emailed his ED teacher and asked for HELP!!!!
Here is a copy of the email.. (from the most recent teacher response to my initial email down at the bottom)
He did not come see me, and he did go and speak with Mr. Gray. very responsible of him. I'm proud!
Geoff Godbout
Fall Creek Intermediate School
Special Education ED Resource Teacher
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Kristi Wilkerson Sent: Tuesday, August 30, 2011 8:12 AM
To: Godbout, Geoffrey
Subject: RE: homework
He actually told me this morning that he wasn't going to come down to your room and was just going to try and talk to Mr. Gray directly about the one's he didn't finish!!! Thanks for talking to his teachers and hopefully that will help out for awhile and not cause issues. I'm really proud of him as well and hope that we continue! :)
--- On Tue, 8/30/11, Godbout, Geoffrey wrote:
From: Godbout, Geoffrey Subject: RE: homework
To: "'Kristi Wilkerson'"
Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 8:00 AM
I spoke with his homeroom teacher as well as his math teacher, and yes, he can continue with reduced homework assignments. Mr. Gray apologized and will work with Jake to reduce the number of problems he has to do for homework. He will either give Jake evens, odds, or select questions from the assigned homework each night.
I am proud that he did complete his writing and most of his math assignment, and with only some grouchy attitude. I'm even more excited that he is excited about coming to school and being out in general education classes. I hope this enthusiasm continues. Today is day 10! We are 1/18 of the way to summer break! I am very proud of Jake's progress thus far this year, and will continue to give praise and encouragement for his efforts. Keep it up.
Thank you for communicating your concerns and please feel free to let me know if anything else arises.
Geoff Godbout
Fall Creek Intermediate School
Special Education ED Resource Teacher
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Kristi Wilkerson
Sent: Monday, August 29, 2011 8:03 PM
To: Godbout, Geoffrey
Subject: homework
Hey, I don't want to start anything with his teachers this early in the year but homework tonight was a little out of hand.. He had over 40 math problems. We spent well over 2 hours tonight on everything (most of it being math). From last year, he was not used to having that many problems. I know there is more work in 6Th but it's just barely the 2ND full week of school. He has been horrible ever since he finished his homework tonight and just plain nasty. He needs help on a handful of them but he did try to do them all at least. Is there anyway, he can do half of the work or a reduced amount like he did last year? Or is that only allowed when he is in your room?
He is planning on spending some time with you in the morning I believe to go over some of the ones he wasn't able to do. I know a lot of it was after a certain point he didn't even want to try and I did have to help him on most of them.
I don't know if there was any time in class to work on them or if he chose to do something besides homework in TE time ( which knowing him, I'm sure he did).
He also told me his math teacher won't even grade papers unless work is shown, said it was an automatic 0? I'm sure he's exaggerating a bit but you know how much of a perfectionist he is and he's so scared he's going to fail.
Any suggestions on how we can make this a little easier- at least for awhile until he gets used to it all again, I know it's review but I'm worried it will get worse when it's new stuff. He didn't complain once about the language arts writing assignment though!! :)
He does not know I am writing you about this. He told me awhile ago that he actually wanted to go to school today!!! I was shocked.. He's so happy he's in regular classes and doing so well. He's been playing after school with kids in the neighborhood and doing well with that too!!! I was even worried how he would do today after our night last night and he had a good day (from what I heard anyways). We are off to such a great start, I just want to do whatever I can to keep it that way as long as possible but not make it too easy for him that he doesn't have to work for it..
Thanks again for everything and I hope we can continue to have an awesome year!!!
Kristi
It's great to see emails from teachers like this. It makes me proud and I feel like my voice is being heard. Not only that but the teachers share my voice and have the same goals and expectations for my kid! I have regular communications with his ED teacher and he always lets me know when Jake does things on a positive note. I don't just hear from him when it's negative! He's also really good about doing the same with Jake. He makes sure Jake knows how proud of him he is. He knows what Jake is capable of and how to handle him and goes about and beyond most teachers in my opinion. He adapted his way of doing things to each one of his students. He knows the same things don't work on everyone and he paid enough attention to me and to Jake to know what works for him. How to get him to succeed and also how to not give into him when he wants things his way!!! He's done some "unconventional" thing's with Jake and you know what, so have I, so I am totally OK with it! Jake's ED teacher from 5Th & 6Th grade is going to probably be one of the few teachers Jake will remember when he's older! I know he's one I will NEVER forget!
I wish everyone out there good luck with school this year. Stand up, speak your mind, communicate with your teachers, have constant contact! There will be bad days. Hopefully there will be a lot of good days! Take everything one day at a time and make sure your kids know how proud you are of them. Even if it's for the smallest of things. Love them. Guide them! Be the best role model you can be! Do not let them miss out on thing's because of their label and don't let schools just stick them somewhere and let them "get by" because they don't care enough to help you or the child thrive!
BP kids or any ED kids really have a tough time in school and in turn so do the parents. We fret over case conferences, calls to and from the teacher to discuss things, weekly behavior reports and just about anything else.
So far so good!!! We are into our second full week of school now and so far J has had little to no involvement with his ED teacher except end of the day check In's. He's fully immersed in Gen. Ed classes, eating lunch in the cafeteria, enjoying recess with friends and participating in gym, music and art!
Mind you that we did this last year as well and it lasted until Labor Day then fell apart until ... April! So again with the bated breath, hoping that he makes it past Labor Day this year. Fingers Crossed! Then we take it day by day, week by week.
One thing that is sooo important to have for an ED kid is an awesome team of teachers who is on his side. Moving him from Lawrence township to HSE schools was the BEST decision I EVER made. His ED teacher is amazing and his team of teachers this year is awesome. His homeroom teacher is amazing. She used to be an ED teacher and his current ED teacher had him placed on her team on purpose.
We had our first issue with one of the teachers last night due to an over excessive amount of homework sent home. OK- my kid can't focus on anything for more than 5 seconds and has the attention span of a fruit fly!!! (It's OK, he knows this!) The teacher sent home over 50 math problems for him to do.
As ED parents we also HATE homework time but when it takes over 2 hours, it's just UGLY. They get cranky, we get cranky. Things get ugly, he gets upset, feels like a failure, blah blah blah.. So we finally got through as much of it as we could- after 9 million distraction's and 48 blow ups over him not knowing how to do it because the teacher didn't explain it. Not to mention the 72 times he told me I didn't know what I was doing and I don't know match so I can't help him!!
I emailed his ED teacher and asked for HELP!!!!
Here is a copy of the email.. (from the most recent teacher response to my initial email down at the bottom)
He did not come see me, and he did go and speak with Mr. Gray. very responsible of him. I'm proud!
Geoff Godbout
Fall Creek Intermediate School
Special Education ED Resource Teacher
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Kristi Wilkerson Sent: Tuesday, August 30, 2011 8:12 AM
To: Godbout, Geoffrey
Subject: RE: homework
He actually told me this morning that he wasn't going to come down to your room and was just going to try and talk to Mr. Gray directly about the one's he didn't finish!!! Thanks for talking to his teachers and hopefully that will help out for awhile and not cause issues. I'm really proud of him as well and hope that we continue! :)
--- On Tue, 8/30/11, Godbout, Geoffrey
From: Godbout, Geoffrey Subject: RE: homework
To: "'Kristi Wilkerson'"
Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 8:00 AM
I spoke with his homeroom teacher as well as his math teacher, and yes, he can continue with reduced homework assignments. Mr. Gray apologized and will work with Jake to reduce the number of problems he has to do for homework. He will either give Jake evens, odds, or select questions from the assigned homework each night.
I am proud that he did complete his writing and most of his math assignment, and with only some grouchy attitude. I'm even more excited that he is excited about coming to school and being out in general education classes. I hope this enthusiasm continues. Today is day 10! We are 1/18 of the way to summer break! I am very proud of Jake's progress thus far this year, and will continue to give praise and encouragement for his efforts. Keep it up.
Thank you for communicating your concerns and please feel free to let me know if anything else arises.
Geoff Godbout
Fall Creek Intermediate School
Special Education ED Resource Teacher
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Kristi Wilkerson
Sent: Monday, August 29, 2011 8:03 PM
To: Godbout, Geoffrey
Subject: homework
Hey, I don't want to start anything with his teachers this early in the year but homework tonight was a little out of hand.. He had over 40 math problems. We spent well over 2 hours tonight on everything (most of it being math). From last year, he was not used to having that many problems. I know there is more work in 6Th but it's just barely the 2ND full week of school. He has been horrible ever since he finished his homework tonight and just plain nasty. He needs help on a handful of them but he did try to do them all at least. Is there anyway, he can do half of the work or a reduced amount like he did last year? Or is that only allowed when he is in your room?
He is planning on spending some time with you in the morning I believe to go over some of the ones he wasn't able to do. I know a lot of it was after a certain point he didn't even want to try and I did have to help him on most of them.
I don't know if there was any time in class to work on them or if he chose to do something besides homework in TE time ( which knowing him, I'm sure he did).
He also told me his math teacher won't even grade papers unless work is shown, said it was an automatic 0? I'm sure he's exaggerating a bit but you know how much of a perfectionist he is and he's so scared he's going to fail.
Any suggestions on how we can make this a little easier- at least for awhile until he gets used to it all again, I know it's review but I'm worried it will get worse when it's new stuff. He didn't complain once about the language arts writing assignment though!! :)
He does not know I am writing you about this. He told me awhile ago that he actually wanted to go to school today!!! I was shocked.. He's so happy he's in regular classes and doing so well. He's been playing after school with kids in the neighborhood and doing well with that too!!! I was even worried how he would do today after our night last night and he had a good day (from what I heard anyways). We are off to such a great start, I just want to do whatever I can to keep it that way as long as possible but not make it too easy for him that he doesn't have to work for it..
Thanks again for everything and I hope we can continue to have an awesome year!!!
Kristi
It's great to see emails from teachers like this. It makes me proud and I feel like my voice is being heard. Not only that but the teachers share my voice and have the same goals and expectations for my kid! I have regular communications with his ED teacher and he always lets me know when Jake does things on a positive note. I don't just hear from him when it's negative! He's also really good about doing the same with Jake. He makes sure Jake knows how proud of him he is. He knows what Jake is capable of and how to handle him and goes about and beyond most teachers in my opinion. He adapted his way of doing things to each one of his students. He knows the same things don't work on everyone and he paid enough attention to me and to Jake to know what works for him. How to get him to succeed and also how to not give into him when he wants things his way!!! He's done some "unconventional" thing's with Jake and you know what, so have I, so I am totally OK with it! Jake's ED teacher from 5Th & 6Th grade is going to probably be one of the few teachers Jake will remember when he's older! I know he's one I will NEVER forget!
I wish everyone out there good luck with school this year. Stand up, speak your mind, communicate with your teachers, have constant contact! There will be bad days. Hopefully there will be a lot of good days! Take everything one day at a time and make sure your kids know how proud you are of them. Even if it's for the smallest of things. Love them. Guide them! Be the best role model you can be! Do not let them miss out on thing's because of their label and don't let schools just stick them somewhere and let them "get by" because they don't care enough to help you or the child thrive!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Back to school
Well here it is, the day before school starts. The last day of summer! We met Jake's new teachers yesterday and we both love them. I'm glad we have one more year with his ED teacher Mr. G. He has been one of the best things to ever happen to my son. I don't know what I will do without him in Jr High. He will definitely be one of those teachers J and I both will remember for a long time. I had the IEP case conference this morning and thought it went pretty well. I am happy and breathing easy for the year to come (so far anyways). His homeroom and his ED teacher both seem like they really want him to succeed and will do what they can to help him out! I think we are very lucky to be a part of this awesome team he will be on this year!
So with that being said, time to cover the other stuff.. You know the good with the bad.
Summer! For most kids and families it means trips out of town, visiting the beach, water or amusement parks. For my son, however, he's not a big fan of summer (except for the whole being out of school thing). We only got to do one over night trip and it even got rained out & cut short. He did get to spend time at the pool a lot but he spent most of his time at home with a sitter. When he wasn't spending his days at the stress center of course.. 2 out of his 3 months off, were spent in St. Vincents. I guess as a parent though, I am glad it was in the summer and not during school but Jake does not share my feelings on this one. Not only did he spend half of his summer there but we also had some pretty severe health issues that hindered us from doing things we wanted to do, even though we sometimes tried anyways. He didn't spend his days riding his bike in the neighborhood with friends, he wasn't invited to sleep overs or camp outs, and spent time at the pool playing with me or Nana. He would make the occasional friend at the pool and have someone to play with for awhile but that was about it. He spent some time with a couple neighborhood boys but not very much.
One of the questions, his ED teacher asked me today was what my expectations are for this year and of course, I said I wanted him to be more social, make more friends and be able to keep them. To have the life a "normal" 6Th grader has, hanging out with friends, being invited to sleepovers, birthday parties and to have the chances and opportunities that he so deserves. To be involved in sports or after school clubs/activities, to feel like he is a part of something, to feel like he belongs. I have so much hope and faith that my child will grow up into a wonderful, successful, smart, well adjusted adult. But I want him to have those childhood memories that involve friends, not just all the time he spent with me and the things we did. So much of my childhood memories are of spending time with friends in the summer, the slumber parties, the school projects we had to partner up for. Plus I am still friends with people I was friends with when I was 12 years old.
I found out today that kids were making fun of him last year for something and also that a mom intervened and dis-invited him to a party that a classmate had told him about then later said he couldn't come. Because the mother didn't want him there.. However, the kid was in Jake's ED class so that just made me feel worse, since her son has ED issues as well. But, as a parent, I guess we have to deal with ignorance and stupidity. I just never expected it from a parent who has a child with similar issues like my son. Those are supposed to be the one's who understand, who give a chance, who know how to handle the kids. Oh well. I hope Jake never has to know these things but I'm sure I can't shield him from it forever.
Sometimes, I love the way my son looks at the world, I love his imagination, and I love his determination. However, sometimes, these exact things are also what get him in trouble.
I would love to have a bigger and stronger support system for him that involved more strong and positive male role models but sadly I don't. I need that for both of us. Oh well, that's a story for another day I guess.
Still doing a lot of reading and research on the whole ODD possibility and really focusing more on behaviors and things and not diagnoses. We will find what works for us and stick with it. Make changes and adapt as necessary and do what we both can to make sure that he gets that "normal" childhood.
Good luck to my friends out there who know what this is like. To hear these same stories from you kid or their teacher, to feel the way we do. Stay strong, stay positive and speak up for your child when no one else will. You are their strongest supported and biggest advocate! You know what's best even though other people always feel like they know more than you do because of the position's they are in!
(started a second blog that is not so much all things bipolar all the time.. this one is about my other passion.. so check it out if ya want.. http://musicislifekw.blogspot.com/)
So with that being said, time to cover the other stuff.. You know the good with the bad.
Summer! For most kids and families it means trips out of town, visiting the beach, water or amusement parks. For my son, however, he's not a big fan of summer (except for the whole being out of school thing). We only got to do one over night trip and it even got rained out & cut short. He did get to spend time at the pool a lot but he spent most of his time at home with a sitter. When he wasn't spending his days at the stress center of course.. 2 out of his 3 months off, were spent in St. Vincents. I guess as a parent though, I am glad it was in the summer and not during school but Jake does not share my feelings on this one. Not only did he spend half of his summer there but we also had some pretty severe health issues that hindered us from doing things we wanted to do, even though we sometimes tried anyways. He didn't spend his days riding his bike in the neighborhood with friends, he wasn't invited to sleep overs or camp outs, and spent time at the pool playing with me or Nana. He would make the occasional friend at the pool and have someone to play with for awhile but that was about it. He spent some time with a couple neighborhood boys but not very much.
One of the questions, his ED teacher asked me today was what my expectations are for this year and of course, I said I wanted him to be more social, make more friends and be able to keep them. To have the life a "normal" 6Th grader has, hanging out with friends, being invited to sleepovers, birthday parties and to have the chances and opportunities that he so deserves. To be involved in sports or after school clubs/activities, to feel like he is a part of something, to feel like he belongs. I have so much hope and faith that my child will grow up into a wonderful, successful, smart, well adjusted adult. But I want him to have those childhood memories that involve friends, not just all the time he spent with me and the things we did. So much of my childhood memories are of spending time with friends in the summer, the slumber parties, the school projects we had to partner up for. Plus I am still friends with people I was friends with when I was 12 years old.
I found out today that kids were making fun of him last year for something and also that a mom intervened and dis-invited him to a party that a classmate had told him about then later said he couldn't come. Because the mother didn't want him there.. However, the kid was in Jake's ED class so that just made me feel worse, since her son has ED issues as well. But, as a parent, I guess we have to deal with ignorance and stupidity. I just never expected it from a parent who has a child with similar issues like my son. Those are supposed to be the one's who understand, who give a chance, who know how to handle the kids. Oh well. I hope Jake never has to know these things but I'm sure I can't shield him from it forever.
Sometimes, I love the way my son looks at the world, I love his imagination, and I love his determination. However, sometimes, these exact things are also what get him in trouble.
I would love to have a bigger and stronger support system for him that involved more strong and positive male role models but sadly I don't. I need that for both of us. Oh well, that's a story for another day I guess.
Still doing a lot of reading and research on the whole ODD possibility and really focusing more on behaviors and things and not diagnoses. We will find what works for us and stick with it. Make changes and adapt as necessary and do what we both can to make sure that he gets that "normal" childhood.
Good luck to my friends out there who know what this is like. To hear these same stories from you kid or their teacher, to feel the way we do. Stay strong, stay positive and speak up for your child when no one else will. You are their strongest supported and biggest advocate! You know what's best even though other people always feel like they know more than you do because of the position's they are in!
(started a second blog that is not so much all things bipolar all the time.. this one is about my other passion.. so check it out if ya want.. http://musicislifekw.blogspot.com/)
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Time for a new book ...
Summer is half way over, Jake has spent most of it in St Vs. Started out in intensive outpatient at the beginning of June, ended up as inpatient by the end of June, did partial in patient for 2 weeks and is now back to intensive outpatient. The nurse prac and therapist there who have been working with J, seem to think that although there is definitely a mood disorder present in my child (tell me something I don't know)that now they are concerned that it could be or may become Conduct Disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I know enough about CD to agree to an extent. I can see how it could develop into CD if this does not get nipped soon. However, ODD is a more viable and believable diagnosis for my child. It's all a huge gray area anyways. I have been his mom for almost 12 years, have a psych background from school and have dealt with countless doctors over the years who all seem to have their own opinion about what is "wrong" with my kid. It's not a concrete thing to diagnose, it's not a disease, there is no cure, there is no straight arrow course of treatment. But no matter what we want to call it, the underlying issue is the case. His safety, the safety of others and to get him to manage his anger and use the appropriate coping skills when handling his anger. Yes those skills, also include medication.
So as I have discussed the big red book before, it's time for a new book, the little white one. (well it's little now, but I'm sure this one will grow over time). This one is strictly focused on behavior, ODD, being the parent, being in control, setting and defining limits and making sure that he knows... NO MEANS NO!!! So this will be my next big project, diving into all this, learning and reading, taking it all in and then trying to dissect it so I can share it with all of you.
So far the little white book is full of articles from www.EmpoweringParents.com. I get their emails and I follow them on Facebook and I share their articles with my friends and support groups all the time. Today I actually dove into the site and found a while library on ODD/Behavior/Parenting. So the little white book was born.
Here is a list of the articles that are in the book. ( please feel free to visit the site if you are interested in reading/printing the articles).
Why the word No sets off an oppositional child
No means No, How to teach your child that you mean business
Parenting ODD Kids, advice from 2 moms who've been there
A day in the mind of your defiant child
Anger as a weapon, when your child "points the gun" at you
Angry Child outbursts: The 10 rules of dealing with an angry child
Angry Child- Fix the Behavior, not the Feelings
Anger with an Angle- Is your child using Anger to control you?
How to manage violent behavior in children and teens
Tired of yelling at your child? Stop screaming & start parenting effectively
Dealing with anger in children/teens:effective tools to help you handle it
Power Struggles: Are you at war with your defiant child
Managing the meltdown
Your child is not your equal: Why you have to be the boss
As you look over these titles, I'm sure a lot of you are saying, hmm, that sounds like my kid or that sounds like something I need to read? You may not have the ODD or CD kid, and for these to be used or be effective, you don't have to.. Jake is not a teen yet but I remember how I was when I was a teen and I was not an ODD/CD kid. A lot of this sounds like typical teen behavior and most of it is, sure but the ODD/CD kids, just take it a little further, get a little angrier, handle it a different way & have different triggers then the "typical" teen.
Nature vs Nurture? Maybe. Is Jake the way he is because of the environment he was raised in, the fact that he is an only child, has divorced parents? Is it a chemical imbalance in his brain? Is there something in his DNA that is missing (or excessive) that is causing this? Unfortunately, we may never know. But what I do know is that I can help him. Can I fix him? Doubt it! But is he broken?? NO WAY!!
We will both continue to work on this, strive for some peace, and hope for the best. Being a parent is a tough job, parenting a child with ODD/CD (ADHD, Bipolar, rage, Autism etc. etc.)is even tougher. I know a lot of strong parents out there who struggle with this every day and not one of them wants to give up, feels like they have failed or wishes that their kid was "normal."
Stay strong, stay in control and stay educated. Reach out for help! Look for support, don't let yourself get sucked in by people who don't understand or want to blame you! Be the best parent, advocate, educator & role model for your child!!
Good Luck!
So as I have discussed the big red book before, it's time for a new book, the little white one. (well it's little now, but I'm sure this one will grow over time). This one is strictly focused on behavior, ODD, being the parent, being in control, setting and defining limits and making sure that he knows... NO MEANS NO!!! So this will be my next big project, diving into all this, learning and reading, taking it all in and then trying to dissect it so I can share it with all of you.
So far the little white book is full of articles from www.EmpoweringParents.com. I get their emails and I follow them on Facebook and I share their articles with my friends and support groups all the time. Today I actually dove into the site and found a while library on ODD/Behavior/Parenting. So the little white book was born.
Here is a list of the articles that are in the book. ( please feel free to visit the site if you are interested in reading/printing the articles).
Why the word No sets off an oppositional child
No means No, How to teach your child that you mean business
Parenting ODD Kids, advice from 2 moms who've been there
A day in the mind of your defiant child
Anger as a weapon, when your child "points the gun" at you
Angry Child outbursts: The 10 rules of dealing with an angry child
Angry Child- Fix the Behavior, not the Feelings
Anger with an Angle- Is your child using Anger to control you?
How to manage violent behavior in children and teens
Tired of yelling at your child? Stop screaming & start parenting effectively
Dealing with anger in children/teens:effective tools to help you handle it
Power Struggles: Are you at war with your defiant child
Managing the meltdown
Your child is not your equal: Why you have to be the boss
As you look over these titles, I'm sure a lot of you are saying, hmm, that sounds like my kid or that sounds like something I need to read? You may not have the ODD or CD kid, and for these to be used or be effective, you don't have to.. Jake is not a teen yet but I remember how I was when I was a teen and I was not an ODD/CD kid. A lot of this sounds like typical teen behavior and most of it is, sure but the ODD/CD kids, just take it a little further, get a little angrier, handle it a different way & have different triggers then the "typical" teen.
Nature vs Nurture? Maybe. Is Jake the way he is because of the environment he was raised in, the fact that he is an only child, has divorced parents? Is it a chemical imbalance in his brain? Is there something in his DNA that is missing (or excessive) that is causing this? Unfortunately, we may never know. But what I do know is that I can help him. Can I fix him? Doubt it! But is he broken?? NO WAY!!
We will both continue to work on this, strive for some peace, and hope for the best. Being a parent is a tough job, parenting a child with ODD/CD (ADHD, Bipolar, rage, Autism etc. etc.)is even tougher. I know a lot of strong parents out there who struggle with this every day and not one of them wants to give up, feels like they have failed or wishes that their kid was "normal."
Stay strong, stay in control and stay educated. Reach out for help! Look for support, don't let yourself get sucked in by people who don't understand or want to blame you! Be the best parent, advocate, educator & role model for your child!!
Good Luck!
 |
 |
Read More Parenting Articles » |
   |
| Get this widget |
 |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)